First of all, here is the Mason Bee House in our condo-terrace “garden”. . . above, a photo from March 19th, and below, as it was yesterday afternoon. Three of the tubes were completely empty at the end of last summer–you can see the black circles are completely empty, no eggs were ever left in them to hatch. . . But if you look carefully, you can see that a few early risers had already pushed their way out into the world, breaking their way through the “masonry” their parent had made from local mud. . .
And if you look carefully below, and compare the two photos, you’ll see that more have hatched and flown off in the two weeks since. Honestly, I think they’re all a bit too early as we haven’t got above 12 degrees Celsius yet, and we’re still dropping down to 1 at night. . . But there is an abundance of blossom already, and I have to presume that Nature has supplied these guys with some inbuilt thermometry. . . . And if they’re wrong, well, there are numerous unhatched siblings still walled safely behind their walls of bee-made mortar. . . .
I’m wandering around the garden with you today because this morning I had a Great Big Baby Meltdown. Why? Because I was all set for an 8am Zoom workout. Got my exercise gear on, laid the mat out, had my water bottle full, the medium-heavy band and small hand towel beside the mat, as recommended. Clicked my way into the Zoom “meeting,” keeping Video off for now (I could see Trainer and other participants, they couldn’t see my morning bedhead). I said Hello and left the microphone open for greetings. And immediately the class started, realized that one of my hearing aids wasn’t working at all, and that without my usual in-person ability to fake-lipread, I was missing most of the instructions. So I tried to switch the sound from my MacBook Air (where it’s never loud enough) to either my Sonos or my Jambox speaker.
And bumped Smack the F*** into another of technology’s random learning curves. . . Somehow, since I’ve last used Sonos from my MacBook, the Controller (or some such language) has been updated so that it doesn’t work with my OS. Of course, I’m finding out all of this by Googling madly on my iPhone while trying to watch my laptop screen to see what moves I should be making on my mat.
Gave up on the Sonos (for now) and tried to use my little Jambox speaker, but for some reason it wouldn’t connect and wouldn’t connect and wouldn’t connect. . . There was swearing.
Paul tried to help. He tried very supportively and thoughtfully and insistently and calmly, but he works almost exclusively in Windows, and was either less help or no help or way too slow help, depending on whom you ask. . . . There was swearing and tears and almost throwing my computer. . . .
I did maybe six repeats of one Ab exercise. Then I “left” the meeting. . . .
There was more anguish and nonsense and tears and sobs. . . made worse by my absolute awareness that this is all petty stuff and that I was being ridiculous and over-reacting.
Part of what was going on, of course, was the sense of isolation from a certain kind of help, the instant and knowledgeable kind that would not require self-sufficiency of me. Eventually, after tea and a long pause and a distracting chat with grandkids by text and video (sometimes Technology IS my friend). . . son called to try some solutions via screenshots and calm advice. . . (confirmed the at-least-temporary incompatibility of Sonos/MacBook Air). . .
And I unpaired and then re-paired my Jambox-Macbook Bluetooth connection and, magically, I had the sound I needed.
So I sent gratitude out into the universe and then doubled down on that impulse by Livestreaming a Yoga class. A Yin Yang class by a yogini with a magically calming voice (she has a sideline in Sleep Hypnotherapy, seriously). . . .
And I’m going to let well enough alone for the rest of the day. Stick with Gratitude and Gardens. Might do a spot of knitting. Oh, and I’d been asked by one daughter to think of “learning activities” for her Five and her Seven, since their teachers haven’t yet provided online materials. So I issued a challenge for all my grandkids to memorize (and recite on video, posted to the Family WhatsApp page) an A. A. Milne poem…
So far, I’ve heard two Fives give lively renditions of Happiness, and the Seven shared her practice for the longer (because she’s older) Halfway Down. Haven’t heard whether the Eleven’s in or out for this project, but if she is, I asked her to learn Disobedience. (If, like me, you know and love the name James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George Dupree, you need to hear this folk-song rendition by the Chad Mitchell trio. . . .
And yesterday, the Five showed up (with his Chauffeur Mom, his Big Sister, and his Dog) curbside so that I could give him his birthday gift while maintaining Two Metres’ distance and a barrier of the car door between us, window rolled down. . . . photo here on Instagramif you’re curious. . .
So really, it’s obvious that there are many more reasons for Gratitude than there are for Great Big Baby Meltdowns. . . .
But just the same. . .
I thought you should know
that I have those very occasionally. . .
’cause if you do too, then you’ll know we’re all in this together. And if you don’t, well, we’re all in it together anyway, aren’t we!
(and that, said John — or Frances–is that! 😉
xo,
f
Sometimes a great big baby meltdown is just what we need to get on with things.
Thank you for the wonderful poems to end my evening!
The use of more white-out to remove family beach week from the calendar for the first week of June caused my meltdown. It was the third, much anticipated, family gathering whited out recently.
I'm enjoying the photograph of your Bleeding Heart. Mine has not yet bloomed. 😉
Smack the F*** is now a new member of the swears family for me. Thanks. Digital conundrums can induce total fury and collapse in me – the helplessness, the lack of understanding of how it actually works, all too much. But the bees are very heartwarming and help to remind the seething head and heart that the natural world is still doing its thing, regardless. One we go.
When you look forward to something that keeps a semblance of normal life and then it doesn't work out for reasons that are not your fault (OS update), then a meltdown is a normal reaction. Nothing baby about it.
After updating my phone, it no longer recognizes my FitBit. I hesitate to "forget this device" because when the same happened with my computer, the computer no longer saw the FitBit at all when scanning for devices.
I hate Bluetooth. Give me cords that are 100% sure to work. I don't want my keyboard or mouse batteries to go dead in the middle of an interview. Bluetooth is great in my car (though I can also plug in), but if something is in a fixed place, why not just use cords that aren't rendered useless by software updates?
My screed on the topic. A mini-meltdown simpatico.
All's well that ends well (the last theatre performance I've seen before the self- isolation, was Shakespeare in Love…oh,happy days…). Thumbs up for the bees,too
I've mentioned my last meltdown here,when I've lost,for no obvious reason, all my e- library,all of the bought e- books….it lasted for a day,Amazon help was no help at all…..eventually I was able to reclaim all of the books on the other device,android one….tears,swearing-yes,dealing with digital devices is ,beside driving,another situation that seeks for it!
Well,I think that it is actually good for our mental health,to let the anger and -temporary- impotence out of our system
Dottoressa
Good to have a nice cathartic meltdown! and thank you for the garden tour as a result. I think I still have to have my meltdown – likely to be as a result of huge pent-up fear about long term impact on the economy as we head into the total shoot yourself in the foot Brexit at a time when our former European partners are busy collaborating.
What a great, retro idea of giving the grandchildren poems to learn by heart. Wonder if my 29 and 26 year old "children" would accept similar task from me?! I listened to Chad Morrison but kept getting distracted by hearing echoes of "The Northwest Passage" – which I only discovered as a result of the Sur Les Epaules de Darwin podcast. Do you know that the Cité du Vin in Bordeaux has made a huge amount of podcasts and other material freely available online? Cheers!
Frances – re education and fun for grandchildren. In the UK many children's authors and publishers have put up ideas and worksheets for free either on their websites or their twitter accounts. It's such a strange time for all of us, but I'm up-lifted by the kindness showing evident within local communities and the huge. self-sacrificing response from all the key workers. My youngest daughter is a primary school teacher working now one week out of four at her school which is a hub for children of key workers. But I so miss the physicality of grandchildren… Stay safe. Elizabeth x
Oh yes, computer problems get me screaming very easily. I am lucky to have my IT-support right here with me. The other day I attended a yoga class via zoom. It was nice to see and hear my teacher that way, and it certainly did me well physically, but after finishing I felt lonelier than before. In spite of that, I'll be back next week, and then I will try to set up the connection all by myself (with some backstopping…).
I think that yoga class brought you all the yoga (if not the asana type)! 🙂 And I totally hear you. When our internet went out for 36 hours, I almost lost it. Never mind that I was practically unable to work (except by eating through my phone data – the only data left in the world!!!, said my anxious brain – but I couldn't follow anything. No news about the state of the world (prob not the worst part of the internet outage), no blogs or e-books, no TV or Netflix. When it returned, my brain state did a serious pivot. I'm sure I should have taken some spiritual teaching from the time down, but all I could do was to say Thank God I'm not alone anymore. Sincerely, A Total Home Introvert
I dare to say that these tech dependent days make the usual tech malfunctions have a way of making themselves of the leading causes of Great Big Baby Meltdowns. While I haven't yet resorted to tears due to tech issues, were I to have a swearing jar in situ, I'd be a rich woman. Every single item I have recently ordered to address tech problems has been a fail. Replacement cable for tablet? Not the connection tab indicated on the site. Wifi booster for computer? Won't recognize the driver. Bluetooth ear phones–yep, won't connect. Smack the f*%k is probably the least objectionable thing I might have said or done. You are not alone.
With apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and his poem about a little girl–here's my viral variant:
When tech was good,
It was very good indeed,
But when it was bad it was horrid.
We wouldn’t be human if we weren’t having melt downs occasionally. I feel so angry & frustrated at our politicians for not protecting the frontline workers , including family members , well enough . So today I am scrubbing out my kitchen cupboards to release tension & it seems to be working . Sorting out technology just wouldn’t have the same effect
Wendy in York
Meltdowns are just the norm now and tech blowouts just pave the way splendidly 😉
For me, the tech-led classes are not good for my equilibrium as they just emphasize the distance and the instructor is not professionally mic'd so I am straining to hear; I prefer an old graphic two-sheet handout of a Pilates routine, or a book of asana practices. (There are many on Pinterest.)
So lovely you could see your family if only from a distance.
When technology is good, it's very good. When it's bad, it's very bad! Last week, I had a meltdown and nearly threw my iphone while trying to borrow e-books from the public library. I had done it many times before with no problem but something had changed with their procedure and it just wasn't working for me. Of course, my husband tried to help to no avail. Since then, a friend texted me with instructions that she thinks will work. I don't feel like dealing with any more frustration, so for the time being I have enough of a stash of unread books on hand to last for a while. I feel your pain.
slf
I love your honesty. I too, have had a full baby meltdown (twice) in the past month. First one, I feel was justified. After a suspicious mammogram at end of January, I was scheduled for a stereotactic biopsy at end of February. They called a week before to postpone it because they were installing a new machine, and rescheduled me for today, April 2. And then March 17 they called and said it was “postponed indefinitely” because of Covid-19. I have already had cancer in this breast, and the new finding is 1.5” away from the previous site. I cried, and yelled, and generally went ballistic for a good hour. Hubby has a calming effect on me, and reminded me that “indefinitely” does not mean forever. The second meltdown was over not being able to find toilet paper or eggs in any of our local stores. It was not as epic as the first, and I was very aware this is a first world problem. Your photos bring peace to my soul. I thank you for sharing, since we are not even going out now for our daily river walk. Please keep inviting us into your world. I enjoy it very much.
I did laugh – sorry – at your frustration. I understand it so well. I have an in house techie, and that’s a good/bad thing…because I have
no idea how to fix Computer issues. I think I will have to start making more notes or cheat sheets, except changes happen so fast and often to keep up.
The world is so bizarre right now. So glad we live where we do.
Stay well.
Ali
Oh, I love this post Frances. I love it when you swear! Makes your formidable intelligence and erudition a little less intimidating to this potty mouthed Maritimer.
We're all hanging in aren't we!
xoxox
Heh, I think almost all of my meltdowns are technology-related these days. I mean, this stuff is supposed to serve us, we rely upon it, and then it sometimes behaves like a sulking, capricious teenager.
Your Spring garden is so lovely. Our lavender's been blooming and has become a big draw for the bees now that the weather's warmed up a couple of degrees.
This virus has everybody on edge. The isolation and inability to move around freely as we did is a very big adjustment.
We will all become expert in using technology. Zoom is pretty great. That said, we all miss the face-to-face interactions.
Susan
Susan: Sometimes they seem inevitable, right?
Susan L: Yes! We've had to do this too. And of course it pales in significance to other consequences, it's a loss we feel. . . I'm sorry you've had three "white-outs."
Leslie: Soon for you too, I'm sure. . . I saw some of the native ones blooms in the wild yesterday. . .
Annie: Always happy to contribute to enriching the language 😉
Taste of France: This is how I feel! Our last stereo system was over 25 years old when we sent it to a thrift shop last year — and the speakers still worked, although we'd had to (been able to) have them repaired once. Never had to do anything to "update" them or keep them compatible. . . Sonos is very clever but if it doesn't connect it's no good to me. Aaargh! . . . Whoops, I feel another meltdown coming on 😉
Dottoressa: I like your prescription, letting feelings of anger and (temporary) impotence out. My tears and swearing and yelling are just what the doctor ordered 😉
Linda: thanks for the podcast recommendations! Honestly, though, I don't seem to keep up with the ones I've already bookmarked. I'm impressed you can listen to so many. . .
Elizabeth: Yes, we have children's writers and entertainers doing the same here and the effort is much appreciated. Having an appealing activity that's only available live-streamed at a certain hour of the day is great for building a schedule around.
IMportant work your daughter's doing — those key workers need to know their children are well looked after and learning.
Eleonore: You are lucky indeed! But I know what you mean about having that virtual connection and then returning to the isolation. Still, we adjust, and it does keep us fit and breathing deeply at least for the length of the program.
K: Oh, I wouldn't like that at all, downed internet for 36 hours. I would just use "all the data in the world" and run up my phone plan's charges to crazy town! But yeah, I think there are all kinds of spiritual lessons we can and are taking from this, but it's also scratching at some very deep fears (ones about loneliness and isolation in old age for me, despite the best assurances of my rational brain).
Mary: So, so true. It's precisely its helpfulness and convenience that makes it so maddening when it isn't. either. . . .
Wendy: I wish, I wish, I wish I were the type who found satisfaction and relief from frustration by scrubbing out, well, anything at all. But so far, no, and at 66-going-on-ancient I doubt I'm going to change. I have begun the annual ritual washing of the woolens though. . . .
Duchesse: A good teacher with good tech can be really helpful, and I eventually did get it sorted with both the Zoom class and the Facebook live-streaming, but I also have days when, like you, I'd prefer just to get out my printed workout program and follow those instructions. And yes, it was great to see those two. . .
SLF: That's so annoying and seems to happen far too regularly, changing something so that we can no longer do something we'd learned how to–it's the time required to retool that frustrates me so much. Very hard to see why the update. Who did it improve life for? Not this consumer, that I can discern at all. . . . Again, AAArgh (glad you didn't fling your phone though!;-)
Diane M: I am so sorry. What a huge worry to have to push aside for the time being. I will be thinking of you, hoping that space is made soon for s supposedly elective procedures that must feel urgently necessary.
Ali: You are in such a good place to weather this — and you have in-house tech support! Golden!
Sue Burpee: Ha! Not sure I could ever live up to "erudition" but I can swear . . . 😉
Susan B: Lavender, bees, sunshine. . . .thank you for that! Antidote to tech frustration right there. . .
Susan: I think we'll all become Zoom experts by the time we're through this. . . .
I completely understand the meltdown. I had one three days ago when D spilled cola on the carpet. I am much more on edge that I thought. Thanks for the lovely poems which I remember from my childhood. I then realized I had a copy of "When we were Very Young" on my shelf! James, James, Weatherby, Weatherby…." I might dig out my Robert Louis Stevenson poems as well. Yesterday I stood by a purple azalea and a white magnolia outside my mother's window at the care home and held up a sign wishing her a happy 86th birthday. We spoke on the phone. The workers gave her a sweet stuffed cat, and she had numerous phone calls and a cupcake and seemed happy, saying she understood why I can't come in because of "the thing." Then I went home and had an allergy attack and immediately thought it was "the thing." All safety and health to all those who post here. Brenda
All the people I know who are having these kinds of meltdowns are grownups;).
The single change I notice most, in myself, is volatility. I can't predict how I'm going to feel on any given day, or even any given half-day. My moods seem to work 6-hour shifts, and then clock out. I never know who's coming in next.
And that technology glitch was a real one. Connectivity at the firmware level, the operating system, there is nothing a layperson can do to solve but upgrade their version. So I feel you.