Just as I suspected, the weekend with the Seven, the Five, and their dog, was fun . . . and tiring. The Eleven (the idolized big cousin!) visited for a few hours as well; her parents joined us for dinner one evening. Good times. And tiring. . .
Yesterday morning, a long dental appointment with another long (and final, I hope) endodontist session on Friday.
And returning to you, I first have a reader comment to address. This new (occasional? previously lurking?) reader says, “I don’t understand the reason for publishing an OOTD. Does it mean: I’m still existing and I do have a closet full of rather strange garments and the the whole world must take notice? Or is the reason to show the whole world how stylish you are and everybody should follow your concept of individual style?”
While she frames her comment as a question, the reasons this reader assigns to those of us who post What We Wore (Outfits of the Day, OOTD) manifest a limited generosity of imagination and level a few passive-aggressive accusations.
But let me use her comment to do two things:
First, I can repeat what I said back in 2013 on the topic:
I’ll remind you of what I said earlier about my What I Wore posts: I’m NOT looking for approval or flattery or, even, constructive criticism. And I’m obviously not trying to teach you anything about how to dress (ha! say both of us). I’m just sharing, because how I dress is important to me, still, at 60, and it’s a Part of my life. Just Part.
I can’t find the post I’m reminding you about, in that 2013 disclaimer, but here’s a post from way back in 2008 in which I was already questioning why I posted What I Wore, so there has long been a resistance to overcome . . . and reasons to persist. Even more reasons as I’ve moved from mid-50s to late 60s — think Diversity in Representation, Visibility of/in Ageing, Slow Fashion — but it’s been a busy week and I won’t parse those reasons today.
What hasn’t changed since the 2008 or the 2013 post is that the Community gathered here shares an interest in a variety of topics, including the way we dress. Women have been silenced and shamed in so many ways and for so many reasons, across cultures, across time. Particularly aggravating to me is that judgement based on our appearance is so often accompanied by the accusation of superficiality, of weak thinking, of lack of intellectual engagement when we find pleasure in managing that appearance, exercising our aesthetic sensibilities and our intelligence. We’re expected to look a certain way; we’re judged for investing agency in that look.
Again, this is not the week for that particular rant-which-could-become-an-essay. . .
For now, all I will say is that I post photos of outfits I wore, despite the discomfort I still have with that disclosure, the vulnerabilities I feel, because I enjoy sharing with you; further, it seems that being seen this way has, over the years, enhanced our relationship. I find pleasure and amusement and creative expression in combining the shapes and textures and colours and proportions of garments and accessories. To jump from that to assuming that posting photos such as those on this page to assure myself that I “still exist” or that everyone should “follow my concept of individual style” is to indulge in an abundance of faulty logic that makes my retired-English-professor fingers twitch for my marking pen.
But instead, let me move to the second opportunity provided by this visitor to my blog.
The trigger word for this opportunity is the word “strange” in the speculation that I post in order to announce my “closet filled with rather strange garments.” The comment appeared on a post featuring a navy cotton T-shirt and a navy skirt. Nothing strange about those garments at all, except that I wore them with sneakers. The previous post similarly elicited a mean remark for a combination of pale pink T-shirt and midi-length purple pleated skirt with pale pink oxfords, all topped by a neutral houndstooth blazer and a pink-purple print silk scarf. To extrapolate from these outfits “a closet filled with rather strange garments” . . .
I’m going to restrain myself from speculating on the worldview and life circumstances that would lead to that extrapolation.
Instead, I decided that I would Embrace My Strange in this post, and by offering a quick explication of each piece’s provenance, also point to some values I hold beyond “The Look.”
The skirt: J Crew, Summer 2016. A classic casual style (quite full, gathered at the waist, satisfyingly deep side pockets, practical below-knee length) in a slightly whimsical, texturally interesting fabric, 100% cotton, flocked. This is the fifth summer I’m wearing it, and I see no reason I won’t be wearing it for many more. So: Slow Fashion, for the win!
The white-with-green-trim sneakers (Adidas, Stan Smiths) are another classic, although a rather trendy one at the moment. Smart-looking but also practical, they were suggested to me by my daughter who lives in Rome. So besides pleasing me aesthetically and pragmatically (they keep my feet walking comfortably at a reasonable price and are well-made), there’s a sentimental component when I include them in an outfit.
And then that green T-shirt. Or Tea Shirt as its graphic proclaims. Funny story to this recent addition to my wardrobe. A week or two ago, in the midst of the newly energized and energizing focus on social justice and the call for anti-racist commitment that is #BlackLivesMatter, I noticed a sponsored ad on my Instagram feed. In the ad (I can’t find it on Instagram anymore, but here it is on YouTube, only 15 seconds long) a very engaging young boy makes a lively, professional, and entertaining sales pitch for viewers to visit his family’s Vintage Store — which happens to be located in our neighbourhood mall. Significantly, since I’m making a greater effort to find and support Black and Indigenous businesses, this young man is Black. I’m not a keen Vintage shopper, to be honest, but I made a note that I should at least pop in and check out the store. As well, I tagged a few friends and family members who might be interested . . . and I showed the ad to my husband.
You should know that my husband is far less a Vintage shopper than I am (as in, he absolutely isn’t; nor is he an enthusiastic clothes shopper at all). I grew up wearing secondhand clothing sourced at church rummage sales and thrift or consignment shops; he’s only rarely worn anything secondhand, and then it’s been a gem I’ve found at a higher-end consignment store. The advertised shop is not that.
But apparently my fellow thought I was issuing a command or pushing a moral imperative; a few days later, I noticed he was wearing a new t-shirt, and when I complimented him on it, he said he had a new one for me as well. I’ll admit to being a bit taken aback at being presented with a used T-shirt, and I wondered where he’d ever got the idea. Turns out he’d worked his way through racks of vintage on his way to the grocery store the day before, and he was surprisingly pleased with his purchases — and with his putative new street cred. Supporting a local business and working the slow fashion angle!
Needless to say, I overcame my reluctance and tried on the shirt. It’s a bit snug, it’s a colour I probably wouldn’t have chosen for myself, and it’s a bolder graphic than I’ve worn for a while. But I do like my tea (as youwill remember from this post). . . . The cotton is at once satisfyingly sturdy and nicely worn, and it turns out that the green of my Stan Smiths echoes the green of the t-shirt well.
)
Personally, I wouldn’t call the combination “strange,” but if you want to, I guess I’m okay with that. I’m going to wear the outfit anyway (and some days, I’d happily wear the label “strange” as a badge, although I’m not sure I can live up to it). And if I get a bit chilly, I might even shrug my non-matching cashmere cardi over it all, visibly mended, colourfully embroidered pocket and all. . . .
 |
| Another industrial neighbourhood sidewalk planting that’s very effective, featuring tough-as-old-boots Lysimachia punctate |
But while I’m okay with the occasional reader calling my garments or combinations of same”strange,” I would encourage any and all of us to check those impulses to “estrange” others rather than simply noting difference. A label such as “strange” insists on a structure of centre and margins, and it’s connected however lightly to the hierarchical structures that enable systemic racism. That’s a big claim, I know, and I’m running out of words and energy to argue it here. But consider that the word xenophobia derives from the Greek word xeno meaning “foreign” or “strange” and phobia which signals fear or hatred.
So perhaps there’s another purpose served in posting OOTDs, and if I give some readers a chance to consider why something appears so “strange” to them, to consider thinking of that distasteful strangeness as merely something different, I’m going to keep stepping up. And if you stick around enough to get to know me beyond my “strange outfits,” there’s a chance that will change your perception of What I’m Wearing even more.
If not, well, there’s so much else to attend to in the world, isn’t there?
Such as, for example, these weavings of colourful fabric scraps through the chain link fencing at a local school playground.
A bit strange, from a distance, perhaps? At least as something to invite curiosity, a closer look.
Colourful and cheerful and even ingenious on a closer look, plus the suggestion of narratives each one might tell. Who was the artist? More than one? Why and from whence the materials? (I guessed an art project for the few students who went back for the last few weeks of their Covid-disrupted school year, but the weavings are at adult height).
Sadly, the neighbourhood walk under those clear blue skies happened week before last, but I’m off again under cloudier skies as soon as I leave you the microphone.
We could talk about wearing vintage, about husbands bearing odd gifts, about what triggers our judgement of what others wear (and while I’m judicious about when, where, and how I comment, I readily admit to making those judgement). You could let me know about Black businesses you’ve found to support online or in your neighbourhood —Lisa just did a great post on this. Anything this post evokes in you (if it’s sincere, thoughtful, and polite disagreement, I don’t mind, but gratuitous nastiness will just be deleted) — or just Wave at me and I’ll smile back at you.
xo,
f
What a fine post Frances! You have a knack for weaving seemingly disparate threads into..well perhaps not cohesion, but an elegant melange, much like the strips of fabric woven into the chain link. I love the way the odds bits of the day–yours or mine–can coalesce into new insights. Pater's gesture was a sweet one, I think. I don't much like new clothes myself, preferring them to be a bit worn in, whether by myself or someone else. Your explanation of OOTD is helpful I think, not only to the (new?) crabby reader, but to all of us. In these days of fashion bloggers who seem to have no other interests beyond demonstrating the latest and greatest, context is important. And yes for representation, and down for marginalization, with the current times as EXAMPLE A of where the lack of representation and the careless cruelty of marginalization can land us.
On the very rare occasions I dip into that global arbiter of fashion and style, Vogue magazine, I come away thinking "well that's all a bit strange". That poor commenter must have a very fragile sense of self that they're threatened in some way by someone else's clothes choices. One imagines that every excursion down the street must be a challenging experience. How very "strange".
I love these posts of yours. Personally I loathe and detest how skirts look and feel on me, just as I would loathe and detest trying to cycle up an Alp in searing summer heat, but that doesn't stop me being a passionate fan of the Tour de France. How very dull it would be if we all dressed the same. I would never, ever wear the skirt you're wearing here, but I love how you've paired it with the tennis shoes and the green T-shirt. Fresh and fun and with a knowing wink to tennis season. If you were in the crowd at Wimbledon the BBC cameras would linger on you and the British nation would say "that's rather nice" and "she looks interesting – I wish I was sitting next to her".
Your neighbourhood photos are a refreshing glimpse of different horizons for someone whose horizon has been fields and hills for the past 4 months.
PS – I'm about to post a "what I wore" photo on IG, which might amuse you.
Hi Frances: I *never* leave comments on your blog here but happily follow along…..and follow you also on IG. I did want to post this time in support of your musings, your walks and travels, your photos of flowers and street art…..and your OOTD! I love seeing what you put together to wear. Your 'new/lurking' reader apparently doesn't get the whole sharing part of your rich posts but would rather criticize.
So here I am in support and admiration. You tackle so many things (bread, literature, food, art) and I am in admiration of all your efforts. Keep up your sketchbook! xo
There’s a saying that goes. If you can’t find anything good to say, then you’d better keep your big mouth shut! Can I say more, person who can’t even leave a name? Why is it that people who would not dream of being rude in person, feel its quite alright in print. Huh!
All your blog friends , & I’m just one of many , will be puzzled & a little shocked that this commenter believes only she has good taste . I’ve found it’s usually sad people who want to spread unhappiness . She’s lucky you never swear 😉😉😉
Sorry – better not be anonymous.
Wendy in York
Rarely comment on blog posts generally but your analyses of so many issues, comments , and ideas are excellent. You tease out interesting underpinnings to life. Enjoy your blog immensely and gives me stuff to think about!
I read your posts regularly, but don't believe I've ever commented. I like your OOTD posts best. If that makes me shallow, so be it. I've reached the age (71) where I pretty much don't give a rodent's behind. The OOTD posts in some way give me permission to enjoy and explore my own choice of what to wear on any given day. That's become increasingly important to me during the current lockdown situation, where my tendency is to say "Who cares what I wear? I'm not going anywhere anyhow." You remind me that I care, and I'm what counts. Your response to the criticism was well tempered. Carol – a reader in Philadelphia, PA
In the past I have commented on some blogs and – inadvertently – caused offence. On the other hand, there is a definite art to the kind of comment that you cite, just dropping in words here and there, creating a kind of unease. At least, I presume that is the intention. Like a sideways tilt of the head, a little smile, a nod, little pat on the arm. Cunning and unkind. I think the same anonymous – but of course! – cove has found me at least once as I recognise the tone and the rhetorical question that finishes the comment. Horrid. The world is strange enough, I would say. Also: love the sneakers.
I really dislike some people's tendency to label others. I feel uncomfortable with myself regarding OOTD posts but I thoroughly enjoy seeing what other people in my age group are wearing. Each week, my daughter and I browse the local consignment store. She wears lots of
repurposed clothing. My husband, despite my efforts, is most comfortable in an old music shirt and cargo shorts from Mark's Wearhouse. It is not the clothing that is important, it is acceptance of others. I don't know why anyone would want to visit blogs to leave nasty comments.
My position: Wear what makes you feel good. What makes you feel good usually looks good too. Alternatively, sometimes we choose to make a statement when wearing an outfit. That's okay too. Again, feeling good is key. Like you, I am enjoying what's in my closet and dressers. Sometimes finding treasures long forgotten. Dressing every day is a good start for the day, especially given lock downs. Your grandchildren sound delightful. How lovely that several are nearby and you can spend time together…then give them back to their parents, (smile) after a long day. Enjoy, Susan P.S.: If only we could bottle their energy and take a sip!
I love the OOTD posts in all my blog reads. I think it is one of the things that brings us together as female community: that unique intimacy about ourselves and our lives and our self concept. I need this from my female friends and the bloggers I read feel just that- friends.
Thank you for your writing and for braving THAT PERSON in a gal-group. I've seen this behaviours in girl gangs in all the schools where I've taught. The negative and hurtful takedown of a "doer". As we grow wiser the group learns to resist that dynamic. Thank you for your writing and for the brave self-exposure. I enjoy your blog.
I love that tea shirt, Frances. Wouldn't "Penguins Wife" (as you said, wife of many penguins, or just a lapse in apostrophe use?) be miffed at the excellent fodder for analysis and pondering that her comment provided. Too many wonderful ideas to think about in this post to pick one. xo
OOTD posts iinvite evaluation. It is simple stimulus-response. I make such evaluations all the time even just walking down the street: Look at the way that dress fits her!, Oh, what a gorgeous pattern! (Or, Oh no, that zipper is in the wrong place.) It's hard-wired. So, when that outfit is on the internet, on a blog accessible by anyone, you'll get all kinds of responses, including the occasional harsh one.
I have noticed a reluctance on WIW posts for commenters to offer nothing but fulsome praise. Is this because we "don't want to hurt anyone's feelings?" Is there no way to offer a constructive comment that says, "Try a belt with that?" (This is •not• directed at you or this post.) Many years ago I posted a photo of myself in a blazer with a crest on the pocket, and a commenter said I looked like a St.John's Ambulance volunteer. I thought that was funny… and true. So there's a way to do it. And I donated the blazer.
"A label such as "strange" insists on a structure of centre and margins, and it's connected however lightly to the hierarchical structures that enable systemic racism." Exactly. And, of course, misogyny. If we consider, we often use the word "foreign," straightforwardly to mean strange to us, and there you have it. I think it's a cognitive requirement, that we group what we perceive as like with other like, to make patterns and meaning, but squeezing out the prejudice that forms along with the patterns take a whole lot of work. xoxox.
Well, I think it is better for one's well being to avoid things, people and places one doesn't like-if one is not fighting for or against some thing or another. But outfits? Why? Especially something normal as it was…They are just a part of who you are,there are so many other qualities here
Your answer is a nice one Times are complicated, people as well…
Hi Frances…I read your blog with enjoyment and also follow you on IG. Keep doing what you are doing, I actually love seeing what other women are wearing. So yes, just delete the naysayers!
There seems to be a resurgence in trolling on social media these days…I remember getting quite a few negative comments on my blog about my hair and my clothes. I referred to the anonymous commenters as “the fashion police!” We had fun bantering back and forth.
OOTD posts do seem to elicit a wide range of comments, but having said that I think your OOTD posts are my favourites. Have fun wearing your new TEA shirt!
What an eloquent post. I hope it gives that anonymous reader pause for thought!
I loved the anecdote about your husband and the vintage store – so thoughtful. My husband shops vintage every time he opens his closet door!
Frances in Sidney
Well, this as been interesting. I really wonder at some people thinking that they have the right by innuendo to attack someone in their own homes. This blog is your home. It seems that a culture of just plain nastiness is trying to infiltrate every corner of our life at the moment.
Frances, you have created the most interesting and thought provoking blog. In a lot of countries in Europe, woman wear exactly the type of styles that you choose. Sneakers and brogues are worn with every style of clothes. To me that is what street fashion is, the ability to be as creative as one wants to be. Your style shows that you are well travelled.
Ali
Your commenter came forth on the very outfit (all navy, so restful) which made me think 'it's me with a different head'. So we are in it together.
You're so right though, there's a lot to unpack in that comment.
Those weavings are interesting…the rag rug equivalent of yarn bombing maybe?
Your response was brilliant! In the interest of not being redundant, I will just say that I echo and totally agree with the other comments here. I enjoy your OOTD and WIW posts because they inspire me and give me permission to be myself and dress however makes me feel good. Thank you again for giving us an intelligent and witty post. Much food for thought.
slf
This is why I love your blog, Frances. What an insightful commentary on the "strange" judgment, which was lame! By co-incidence, I happened to watch an episode of West Wing last night when the curator of White House art says to the press secretary, in a British accent, "CJ, your necklace is a monument to bourgeois taste." Now that's a brilliant insult!
I am less interested in clothes than the average woman. I think it's because I went to Catholic schools until college and wore uniforms. As an adult, I've continued to wear "uniforms" – multiples of the same pants and tops in different colors, etc. So I am mildly interested in your clothes (except for the lovely sweaters you knit, which I find fascinating!) but very interested in your take on things, your watercolors, what you say about books, your photos of flowers and urban architecture, your family, food, etc., etc. I treasure your blog!
"We're expected to look a certain way; we're judged for investing agency in that look." This right here.
I loved reading your rumination, and think you've really hit on something regarding the use of "strange" in this context, and how it ties into both societal hierarchies and fear of the different and unknown. It's all connected, isn't it?
And that "tea shirt…." so very You. I love it!
Love the tea shirt, and the fencing weavings…so cheerful and beautiful.
It's Honora, Frances, too lazy to pull up my Google account, so coming in as anonymous. I enjoyed this post and find your response to the comment kind. I might have just deleted the comment and gone on, albeit with an icky feeling. Replying so fully amd respectfully was kind and true to the teacher in you. I don't know why people make comments such as the one that prompted your reply. Did someone tell them that they should say whatever comes into their head because it is their right? I have found that such comments are rarely about being helpful, often about being hurtful and sometimes spiteful. There was a time when I'd have excused this behavior with ' they've been hurt somehow' or 'they don't realise the effect of their words'. No more. We don't all have to like everything but we have an obligation to be constructive and, like you, kind. I always enjoy your OOTD posts. It's not about my taste in fashion or whether or not I like what you've put together. It's about enjoying your combinations – your flair for colour – the ways in which we are different. I like it all and sometimes I learn something, like right now – how to exhibit grace in the face of pointed negativity.
Aren't people interesting? I can't imagine choosing to be so snide and unpleasant, and the trivialization of another's interests seems excessive, but I did enjoy your intelligent response so perhaps it was all for the best in the end – PW vented some spleen and I got a bunch of things to think about.
ceci
hello Frances. I don't often post but I have always enjoyed your outfit posts. As has been said, I find it difficult to understand why someone would deliberately chose to post and unkind comment. I find so much to think about in your posts, whatever the topic.
Darby
Trust the writer made herself (himself?)feel smug; I can't imagine any other motive. Wearing uniforms till the end of high school, I loved civvies day, a monthly chance to express our differences! Though it was years before I could admit to such a "frivolous" passion for clothes. Fortunately, no such judgment from my partner who loves good design.
One comment would have led me to believe its author was having a bad day, but two suggests something else. Many possibilities, of course, but at best I rather think it's rude to come into someone's home and criticize the furnishings, especially without offering equal opportunity to critique back.
Especially now, I'm enjoying OOTD/WIW posts from women like you, and Une Femme, and Susan from High Heels. I have a lovely wardrobe, but these days I'm spending most of my time in shorts and tank tops, and it's nice to be reminded that it's okay to put on real clothes, even if they're only going as far as my dining room table. 😉
When I read that comment, I was struck by the change of prspective in the middle of it. She (I presume she’s a She) starts out in the 1st person singular, and then, suddenly, she turns around to shout at you. To my mind, this gives the whole comment a certain aimlessness. Somebody flailing her virtual arms without knowing what she is fighting against.
Although I know by now that your taste in clothes and mine are widely different (I don’t do skirts or dresses, for example) I do enjoy your outfits and I have drawn more than one inspiration from them. And, as I never tire to repeat, I love your blog for your way of explaining and expressing your ideas on Visibility and Age which attracted me in the first place. Each and every one of us has the right to her own appearance, taste and way of dressing without being labeld „strange“ by anybody else.
Btw: are we going to get a glimpse of the vintage T-shirt Pater bought for himself?
I often look and pass on OOTD on many blogs and at other times I might be sitting in front of the screen with a cup of coffee and think to myself "well that's an odd choice" but that's because the choice is not mine but made interesting if the writer goes on to explain the reason for their choice of outfit.
I couldn't find the original comment to read in full so I'm going to read it as someone sitting in front of their keyboard musing to themselves and not thinking before they typed. Times are so strange at the moment that I'm doing my level best to try and think the best of everyone even if my instinct tells me they're being ruddy rude. Incidentally, I have a face that cannot arrange itself to tell a lie so no longer shop with friends who want my opinion.
I would like to say that bloggers such as yourself are so very brave in being so open about their lives, choices etc to the world.
I much enjoy your book recommendations and also the knitting (the recent blue with red patterned yoke in particular). Have returned to knitting after a long absence and am struck by the popularity of hand-knitted socks, they seem to be everywhere. How and when did that happen and why?
I deleted my first comment (which was exactly the same as the second) as I forgot to tick the box for comments to be sent to my mailbox!
Elle: Thanks so much — "an elegant melange," high praise indeed, and I'll take it happily. I, too, love that coalescence of the odd bits, sometimes into insight. . .
Linda: You know I'd trade horizons right now, don't you? (I imagine many of us might, actually). and I'll be watching for your OOTD — will it feature gardening gear?
Sally: Aw, thanks for taking the time to comment — the support is much appreciated.
MaryG: My compensation is thinking that perhaps I've spared some person in that commenter's life a bit of bile. Had to go somewhere, perhaps, and we bloggers seem fair game?
Wendy: Like you, I suspect unhappiness is at the root and try to channel compassion. Not necessarily successfully. . . (and oh, I'm such a good swearer, but only very rarely in this space.
Laura: Heartfelt thanks!
Carol in PA: So glad you enjoy them. And that's exactly the spirit in which I hope they'll be received. Thank you!
Annie G: It's not at all nice, is it? Even at a distance. . .
Mme: This is at the heart for me. It's not about my being personally criticized, but rather the labelling and lack of acceptance (or at the very least, tolerance).
Susan: Thanks! And yes, I wish I could bottle just the leftovers of their energy. Prodigious!
Janet: I think the Mean Girl phenomenon is so often a complicated acceptance of a societal misogyny, a kind of internalized self-denigration (another essay!) — hence the unhappiness we all sense in that comment. I'm pleased to know you enjoy the OOTDs as a way to strengthening community.
Sue B: Thanks again for your eloquent defence last post, at the original comment!
Duchesse: I know what you mean, but for me it depends so much on context. I'm pretty clear that I'm not generally asking for evaluation or constructive criticism, although I'm not averse to a good suggestion. And some of us value forthright opinions more than others; some of us are more swayed or hurt by them than others. I would be very careful giving feedback to a good friend on a garment or outfit she was happy wearing (cost/benefit analysis doesn't work for me). . . and to do so to a stranger, unsolicited, wouldn't occur to me. But I love that you were able to accept your commenter's advice with such good humour, and find it useful! A quality I'll have to cultivate in my next life 😉
Lisa: Yes! You get what I most wanted to communicate — and you point out the paradox I always struggle with when one is accused of being judgemental. Judgement is useful! But. . . . (does everything always come back to balance?! 🙂
Anon at 7:05: Yes, we're all a bit discombobulated these days. Kindness helps 😉
Paula, Hostess: Thanks for the encouragement!
Frances: That made me chuckle . . . shopping vintage in the closet (mine is worst with shoes. . .
Ali: You're so kind. And yes, it did occur to me that finding "strange" the least deviation from the expected is a sign of parochialism. Not that I want to mock someone who hasn't had the opportunity to travel, but to judge harshly by those narrow standards is so limiting. . .
Georgia: Not so many of us have this affinity for skirts as casual wear, but I did remember that you're in that tribe with me.
Perfect aperçu, seeing those weavings as spin-off from yarn-bombing. Thanks for that!
Please add me as a favorite reader. I echo so many of the well stated comments previously made. I enjoy how you put together your outfits. It reflects your artistic side, your individuality, your uniqueness, and your confidence. I recently finished reading Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo, a YA fantasy, not my usual genre. I was struck by the various cultures and ethnic backgrounds she has created and, in particular, the budding romance between two from different lands. They had many obstacles to overcome understanding each other's courting protocols. It was fascinating to read and think about how often we band with our own kind. How easily we dismiss those who look and act differently than us. How little effort we put into trying to understand their perspective, or even respect the differences. Thank you for being vulnerable with your reflections, your art, and your wardrobe. I delight in reading about a woman my age enjoying life and continuing to reinvent herself after retirement.
slf: Thanks for the kind words and encouragement.
Marie: Great insult indeed (dubious benefit that some recipients mightn't realized the significance 😉 I did the Catholic school uniform instead, for 10 of my 12 grade-school years. . . Has a long-lasting influence in perhaps contradictory directions.
Sue: Yes, I believe it is all connected. As much as we're told that attention to dress is superficial (my years in Academe ;-), dress is a text we can read (as are our responses to it). At the risk of wearing out the big ones, I'd throw out "hegemony" here. No physical force required to en-force/reinforce social structure. . .
Thanks, Anon at 10:59
Honora: Thanks! Exactly, we certainly don't all have to like everything we see, but we can choose to see through a lens that values differences we don't yet understand — and above all, we can resolve to extend dignity to all humans, through meaningful kindness.
Ceci: So Win-Win in the end #haha 😉
Darby: Thanks for taking the time to post this encouragement. Much appreciated.
Belle: And there we are: Not frivolous at all if we think "design" or creative expression. And both of those are manifest in every aspect of yours and your partner's lives. Stone walls to kitchen to curriculum to orange faux-fur top. 😉 xo
CarolP: Me too! I'm not interested in shopping for clothes right now, nor do I have many opportunities to dress for going out, so the OOTD posts are more satisfying than ever.
Eleonore: Precisely. It's a disingenuous comment purporting to be a simple expression of incomprehension or even of naiveté, but in fact it's intended to do something quite different. I could accept the former easily — in fact, in that case I'd probably offer just what I did re the provenance of the garments and why I enjoyed combining and wearing them as I did. (as for Pater modelling for a photo, you might have to wait a long time for that 😉
LesleyC: A thoughtful comment with many good points. I'll just jump to the handknit socks question (time, you understand): I was surprised, as well, when I entered the online knitting community 'round the beginning of the 2000s, to find that socks were the thing to knit. I've knit pretty steadily since Mom taught me in the early 60s, but almost always made sweaters. I suspect sock-knitting was abandoned for awhile (with some relief?) with industrial knitting technologies that made socks so affordable. But then the new generation discovered the engineering delights in the knitting and the comfort in the wearing. . . . I've knit countless pair now and mended quite a few as well. . . you'll soon be hooked!
Betty: Thanks for joining the conversation and for the kind words. And thanks for pointing out the relevance of so many YA novels, especially of the Fantasy genre, to this conversation. It's not my usual genre either, but I've just read a couple (daughter's recommendation) and was struck by exactly the way they handle difference, just as you point out. So good for young adults (and the rest of us!) to have these narratives available when the "real" world of their immediate lives falls short.
Hi Frances, I follow you on instagram, love your books comments and photography. I rarely read your blog but was drawn over by the nasty comments references. Amazed by the amount of "airtime" you have given to Penguin wife. She must be thrilled. I abhor internet trolling and have no doubt the comment was intended to hurt and discombobulate which it clearly has. However in response you come across as peeved (understandable) and peevish. You are also guilty of the faulty logic for which the troll is denegraded e.g. in the leap to xenophobia. Some of the comments are frankly snide and unpleasant. You appear to hold the high moral ground noting in your comment to W that we should "try to channel compassion" and initially refraining from comment regarding "the world view and life circumstances" that would lead someone to that opinion. Yet in your comment to Ali you leap to "Not that I want to mock someone who hasn't had the opportunity to travel but to judge harshly by those narrow standards is so limited". Wow! The focus on "Penguin wife" and the lapsed apostrophe is a little ironic when one sees in response to Marie that some recipients mightn't "realized"(sic) the significance.
What struck me about this whole conversation are the parallels with children and playground gangs, how the bullied can become the bullies, how the mean girls operate. We only have to look at one of the most powerful leaders at the current time to see how this can play out at the highest level. Constant outrage and a readiness to be offended is so draining. It's a very worrying feature of the times we live in.
I am in no way condoning the rudeness and nastiness of the original comment, just disappointed that you have descended to her level. Mary
Sorry you feel this way. Also sorry this is the occasion that drew your first comment here (perhaps even one of your first visits) and wish we knew each other better so that our words might sit in a context of trust and understanding.
I won't say I'm sorry for what I wrote, and I stand by the logic which links denigration of strangeness with xenophobia. Can't say I'm never peevish, but if you see a lack of compassion in my post it's because I'm not responding to an individual writer but rather to a type of comment, a way of thinking about and putting difference in its place by mockery (Penguins Wife was very likely the same as the "Anonymous" who'd penned a nasty comment the day before).
I will admit to feeling defensive this Monday morning — yours is a tough comment to wake to, and I was tempted to delete it. Instead, I'm going to let it stand as a dissenting opinion and hope you will be back to realize that I do not live in constant outrage, that I'm not ready to be offended, nor am I a bully or a "mean girl" (in truth, I mistrust the bandying about of that epithet, but that's a feminist argument for another day).
I was a reader and some times commented on your blog way back when you were still working and living on the island and ootds were a regular feature. I've always admired the way you took the time to reply to comments and the way you created your community of readers. I know that you do not live in constant outrage, ready to be offended and my comment was not intended as an accusation of bullying. I think it takes courage to put yourself out there as it were. In a different context, I've been thinking a lot about standards, respect and how easy it is to get caught up in things and cross a line. It links in with your post but I'm not going to take up any more of this space explaining. Suffice to say the conversation just didn't sit well with me. I'm sorry if it started your Monday badly. I hadn't thought of the timing.
Thanks for responding and I like your self portrait from today's post! Mary
Mary: Thank you for taking the time to come back and make this generous second comment, despite your reservations about my post. We do our best, don't we? And I'm pleased you like that self-portrait. . .