First: I’ve posted my August reading on my reading blog, including a few titles I’m sure you’ll enjoy; I’d love to have you stop by and check it out. . . .
Otherwise, though. . . .Today’s a tough day for no identifiable reason. I know you understand, and I know you probably have them too, perhaps more often these Covid days. Only the levain for my sourdough bread, waiting for me on the counter where I’d left it to rise last night, gave me momentum this morning. Without that task coercing me into purposeful movement, nothing felt worth the effort, but once the measuring and mixing, stretching and folding imposed their kinetic demands, I was ready to be propelled by other formulaic actions on my list. Simply having a list deserves gratitude when the void of meaninglessness looms. . .
For me, that means the bread-making, writing out some Italian verb conjugations across the tenses I’ve learned so far. I listen to a French interview sent by a friend, and I sketch a grand-daughter’s re-arrangement of the paraphenelia on my night-table. In all these small endeavours, I remind myself of what Clotilde Dusoulier instructed in one of the personal development/life-coaching Change Ma Vie episodes that accompany my neighbourhood outings: “Se Parler Gentiment.” Speak kindly to myself. Don’t be so critical. Because when I’m in this mood, it’s easy to judge everything I do very harshly, as mediocre or banal at best. I’m learning, trying to do better. . .
For example, instead of beating myself up for not having a longer, more substantive post for you today (one which only needs another half hour or so, in fact, but more thought than I can muster at the moment), I’m waving “Hello” with a few photos of a linen dress I bought at the End-of-Summer Sale of a local, independent boutique. (and yes, that smoky pall over all we can see insists there are more serious topics I might consider, and yes, I’m trying to Slow my Retain Fashion Shopping, but for now, Respite, Regrouping. Self-Care, even . . . )
I do wear this dress for my podcast walks some days, although (wait ’til you see the back!) it might seem a bit extravagant for that. I ground it, I think, by wearing it with sneakers, and then I just say Tant mieux (Good! So much the better!) for the way it lifts my mood — or announces it! And under my breath a Tant Pis (tough luck!) to those who think the colour or shape or colourful buttons too noisy. . .
In fact, my loyalty to this jolie robe verte was cemented forever last month, when we visited Son, Daughter-in-law, Granddaughter and Grandson. The second day in their city, we’d parked the car to meet them at a playground near Granddaughter’s pre-school. Just as we put some money in the meter, I looked up to see my DIL and the two Littles, a couple of blocks away, moving in our direction. We walked towards them, and when we were still a block away Five spotted us — and called out, in clarion tones, “Nana! I love your dress!” To the delight and curiosity, as you can imagine, of all the pedestrians heading to and from the busy downtown streets. . .
Once in the playground, she and her brother attacked the slides and swings and various climbing apparatus with their usual gusto, but then my DIL caught Five’s attention to point out the buttons on the back of Nana’s dress. . . which earned me a big hug and a fervent declaration: “Now I love your dress even more!”
She made me smile, of course, and I’m smiling again remembering that day. Perhaps my little anecdote might prompt a smile from you as well.
Some days, smiling is an achievement, and if we’ve learned to speak kindly to ourselves, we might give ourselves credit for managing it. In truth, mine feels a bit forced, these last few sentences, forced and tremulous, even, the effort too visible, the self-talk too pat. It’s a work-in-progress, though, right? What I can do for the moment. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some sourdough to wrangle (not mangle, I hope).
You might stay a moment and admire these cheery seed balls from a neighbourhood dogwood tree (Cornus Kousa, I believe, but let me know if I’m mistaken, please).
And then if you have a minute, I’d love to know your plans for the weekend. . . .and also whether you’ve had to be more gentle with yourself lately or not. . . any surefire antidotes to feeling low or anxious would be welcome. . .
Not much on the go here. I'm at the end of week 1 of a month medical leave re: hands. I have a hair appt and other than that, it'll be saunas and yoga and cooking. Sounds delightful but Lord, I'd love to feel fantastic. Starting to understand that, if pain is going to be there, I might as well knit anyway. But it's slow going (and scary). The bad days are out there but so are good ones and I have optimism that your weekend may yield some happy undertakings and feeling well!
I love your dress too! That shade of green is a favourite of mine and it looks terrific with your hair. I admire the way you used bread-making to manage your tough day. Speaking kindly to myself (and others) is a challenge for me. I’m usually direct and can be pretty blunt so it’s easy to come across as unkind, though that isn’t my intention. I’m focussing on the yoga teaching of speaking kind words to myself and others so wish me luck.
As for the weekend, our Spring weather is glorious so I’m planning a short walk on a bushy headland, finishing this month’s book group novel, some personal admin and the usual domestic chores. Best wishes for everyone’s weekend 🌸
I'm in Seattle in the middle of the grim smoke from fires south and east of us, so any little pleasure is a welcome distraction now that going outside is ill-advised. The buttons down the back of your dress did make me smile. How could anyone not be charmed by that delightful row? Children do appreciate happy clothes, don't they?
It is such a beautiful dress,I love it,too. Bread making is such a good therapy
I have painters in the house for six days- waking up at 5 AM (instead of 7), is such a disaster for me ( i know,you'll be fine with that :-)),so….sitting on my balkony drinking coffee,enjoying my geraniums and calliopas….it is a beautiful day
Tomorrow,coffee and prosecco with friends,at the terrace of the cafe where we were drinking prosecco together as well, on your last day in Zagreb
This time- with masks
Dottoressa
Balcony,sorry
The colour of your dress is striking, and it is perfect with your hair, eyes and skin. The buttons down the back are the icing on the cake, of course, although I couldn't help wondering what it feels like to sit on them. Some time ago I made myself a multi-coloured cardi after a Kaffe Fassett design and finished it off with six buttons in different colours which all appeared in the design. The best idea I've had in a long time.
My weekend starts with an excursion to look at a friend's house which I might rent for the next three years or so. No details here, just to say that good friends (and family, of course) are the real treasures in this world.
I know there are days when even hugs don't help much. I am sending you some anyway. You can store them in a safe place for whenever you need them.
Excellent dress, love the colour! Cornus kousa Indeed it is and fruit edible. Such a beautiful display. Chilly morning here in N.S. so I expect linen and cashmere this morning
Laura
Beautiful dress! I just love it and the way you look in it.
This weekend I'm reading, enjoying the cool, sunny weather we're having here… and trying not to be hard on myself per your example.
Loved the Five anecdote. Such is the spontaneity of children–they call it as they see it. Sometimes with delightful responses like the one about your dress (I concur–the colourful buttons are perfect). And sometimes with just a tad more brutality than one would like. 🙂
No weekend plans unless you consider changing sheets and doing laundry as a highlight of a day. Recouping energy from overseeing 6 yr old GR schooling, though we managed to have a pretty good week. A mix of good days and challenging ones for him–just like us in these unsettled times. Laughed at myself last night as I crawled into bed to read–thinking it was my favorite part of most days–and it was only 7pm. Such excitement!
Five sounds like a delightful and observant little one. Starting slowly, with something familiar like your sourdough gets me moving a little on dull and down days, too. Just now things are crazy busy for me with school beginning. I spent several long sleepless nights last week, but the past two nights I've slept through – stunned, I think, from the changes at school and the energy it takes to get through the day.
Weekend plans include a late arising (just finished breakfast at 9 am) and I'm going to make salsa for the winter. I have a new book to read – Louise Penny's latest, and will be treating myself well this weekend in anticipation of a full week of classes next week. Je me parlerai gentiment!
Thank you for this. Yes, there are days when for whatever reason, I/we get stuck in our moodiness. Maybe we are given these kinds of days to explore our true selves. It may feel like we are shedding old skin; it may feel uncomfortable, yet it's an important process, one in which more of the beauty within has an opportunity to shine.
Kristin: So sorry about your hands — creating with them is such a central part of you. I hope you find ways to manage pain enough through various modalities this weekend that you can nurture yourself and Make whatever. xo
Maria: Yoga class (online, of course) is one of the ways I reset my self-talk . . . your weekend plans sound perfect, especially that sunny walk near the sea — Enjoy!
Elle: We've got a fair bit of smoke up here, heavier today again, but I would imagine it's worse where you are and even more heading south. Take care.
Yes cornus kousa chinensis. We have the same fruits.
Sorry you had a hard day. Sorry I myself am so scraped dry of capacity, or I'd say something more. Sending love. And listening to love songs, which bring me close to tears, which is probably where I need to be.
The buttons make it. As to speaking kindly, oh yes indeed. I quite often find myself saying, out of the blue – nothing to be afraid of, don't be frightened. Not sure where this comes from because, usually, I am just pottering about. Still, my brain clearly knows when something is up. Oddly, it helps.
Dottoressa: 5 a.m. is early! I don't mind when I wake then on my own, but having to get up and have painters in the house. . . no thank you! (although I'm sure you'll be happy with the fresh coat of paint. I'm glad that you at least have good weather for enjoying your balcony and flowers. . . And Saturday špica — oh, I wish I were there! The place that's quite glam? with the "celebrities"?
Eleonore: Let me quickly reassure you that I don't notice the buttons at all when sitting 😉 I tested before buying! I bet your Kaffe Fasset cardi was great with the multi-coloured buttons. We really should have more fun with buttons (In Paris a few years ago, I saw a fabulous display of buttons through the ages). And thank you for the hug — I will keep it in a safe place for when it's really needed.
Laura: Nice to hear from Nova Scotia 😉 I'll bet it's clearer on that Coast than it is here today (we're covered in smoke, drifted up from US). And thanks for confirming my plant i.d.
Oh, what a delight those buttons are, on top of the delight of that vivid green dress! We're smack in the middle of awful air here in LA (thank you, gender-reveal idiots) so that splash of brightness is so welcome.
I think today will be mostly knitting and reading. I've been going hammer and tongs on the garage, but I realized yesterday the bad air was getting to me, so if I do anything at all it will be wearing the respirator I found while sorting things.
KPD: thanks! Enjoy your weekend!
Mary: I'm impressed you can manage changing the sheets and doing laundry after your week. Rest up, Monday morning will roll around quickly and your grandson will be chomping at the bit 😉
Lorrie: Those changes and the constant need for caution must be exhausting. I hope you find a cozy corner to hunker down with Louise Penny and M. Gamache and recharge.
BettyK: True, we're being guided inwards, aren't we? Not so easy to distract ourselves…
Lucille: Thanks! They're so cheery, aren't they? I'm guessing the birds might enjoy them . . . or the squirrels. . .
Lisa: Hugs. . . Love songs and tears might be the best antidote I've heard yet. . .
Annie: I like this image (and not just because it means I'm not the only one talking to myself). . . very soothing, comforting.
As someone who likes to sew I love this dress and I’m already thinking I might make it. Also thanks for your honesty in sharing how you feel. There are many days when I feel much the same. I just keep going and try to stick to some kind of routine that balances out my life. It’s not easy but all I can do is keep going and wait for better days.
A "Speaking kindly to ourselves". Best advice ever. Another blogger I follow and adore has a quote at the bottom of her column that says something like "kindness is never out of style". We truly must be kind to ourselves, too. Thank you for this! Janie
I would love that dress. I so enjoy happy, voluminous dresses with pockets. The buttons are a beautiful touch.
Is it by Fée Marboutée? We need to speak kindly to ourselves for sure. I'm back at school and I'm feeling old
these days. Secondary school with much younger teachers…it's a challenge. I'll borrow some of your titles
for my next book order. I'm still reading Girl, Woman, Other. I'm enjoying every character. I don't want to leave them. The words we are using for the new 3 R's : Reassurance, Routine, Regulation. It is all about balance.
That is such a desirable dress. Colour, shape, buttons. I started listening to the Change Ma Vie podcast this morning and am really appreciating it. Both the content and the very French-ness of it. Thanks so much for this recommendation. Definitely not feeling gentle with myself. But… a lovely walk with my husband yesterday checking out the progress of ripening wild sloes for sloe gin, followed by strenuous garden digging including uncovering two large frogs who gave me quite a glare. Today – the losing battle of weekend hoovering and dusting in a building-site house, followed by an afternoon of watching the TdF. Lovely, lovely France. And as our wonderful Captain Tom would say, "tomorrow will be a good day".
I love the dress. Green is my favourite colour and the button details make it. I love a dress with pockets…
Gentleness and kindness help soften the craziness of our days. It’s difficult enduring the Covid swings…some days are better than others!
Buttercup: A clever sewist could probably see how to recreate it, although I'd need a pattern because the structure is innovative, some bias involved, and the hem is caught up in a big loose swoop. . . But even just a simple wide A-shape would capture the movement, and then big pockets, buttons down the back. . . And by the time you've figured out how, you're distracted from your mood, right? Creating, making, so often helps nudge me back. You too?
Janie: It always seems easier to be kind to others. We need to remind to aim some of that back at ourselves . . .
Linda: Isn't she great, Clotilde? She used to (may still?) have a culinary column in one of the French papers and I have a cookbook of hers. Again, through that French filter I'm finding useful a personal development approach that I think would irritate otherwise. There's a built-in restraint and rationality that makes it palatable.
Is it goofy that i'm very envious of your frogs? Much sympathy re the constant dusting. Here, we do the same because of the nine-storey building going up not 100 metres away. Nothing quite like the fine grittiness of building dust, is there? (When we were doing a big reno a few decades ago, I often heard it referred to as "divorce dust"!
Hostess: It's true, some days are just fine, and then !!