My Writing Partner, My Friend. . .

Good morning!

In my last post, I mentioned a short jaunt I had planned.  As you might already know from Instagram, I’ve been visiting my friend Lisa of Amid Privilege whom I first met “in real life” back in 2011.

My husband flew down to join me yesterday, and we’ve planned a pleasant weekend in this gorgeous city — although the light cold I arrived with has morphed into full-blown laryngitis after two days of catching up with Lisa and talking about our mutual writing projects. . . .

Which is what I wanted to share with you this morning — that over the past year, Lisa and I have been partners in guiding our respective long-form writing projects to completion of Rough First Drafts. She’s just posted her perspective on this partnership, and mostly I’ll just echo what she says. I can’t overstate the value of having a thoughtful and discerning and open-minded reader on the other side of the manuscript I’m writing. We don’t ask much of each other in terms of feedback, and we certainly haven’t needed any editing (structural or stylistic or copy-editing) at this early stage, but we have often asked each other whether or not a particular passage or approach is working as is or if expansion or clarification might be necessary.

Her draft is fiction — and I must tell you I eagerly anticipated each new instalment — she’s created some characters I hope you’ll meet someday and she’s put them in a plot with satisfying twists and tension. My draft is a memoir focused on my relationship with my mother in the context of mourning her as well as of being, myself, the mother of daughters.  Very different, obviously.

But what’s been the same is the value of the partnership in providing a structure so that we pushed to complete a number of chapters or a number of words within a certain timeframe, so that here we both are with completed drafts.

I’m still not sure what I’ll do next, with mine. It’s very personal, and I’m still working through how much I want to share and what that might mean for family. Lisa’s book should find its way to a shelf in your favourite bookstore — I know you’ll love it!

Meanwhile, though, may I also echo what Lisa wrote on her blog this morning, about friendships forged via digital platforms? I mean, that might be where our friendship began, but can you get more “IRL” than hiking “Cardiac Hill” together? More than that, hiking it and having a passing female hiker of-a-certain-age stop in her tracks to confess the relevance to her of our discussion of certain gynecological issues pertaining to menopausual women. She apologized for eavesdropping, and we weren’t that loud, honest!)

Now I really have to get out on The Streets of San Francisco. Not sure Michael Douglas will be there, but I have my own handsome guy to accompany me.

Happy Saturday — and to my fellow Canadians, Happy Thanksgiving Weekend!

25 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    6 October 2018 / 6:53 pm

    Happy Thanksgiving Mater and good on both of you for doing that climb! I am glad you both got helpful feedback on your work. Brenda

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:04 pm

      Thanks! Hope you had a good Thanksgiving as well.

  2. Lorrie
    6 October 2018 / 8:23 pm

    Happy Thanksgiving, Mater and Pater! Enjoy your weekend in SF.
    What a great visit with Lisa. Congratulations on finishing that first draft!

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:05 pm

      Thanks, Lorrie! It was a lovely visit.

  3. Maria
    6 October 2018 / 8:27 pm

    I’m so pleased that you and Lisa share a literary partnership. I hope to be able to read both works some day. I love your writing styles, which are similar but different. I know Lisa’s novel will be delightful. I’m struggling with the transition from being the mother of a child to the mother of an adult daughter and I know your work would provide insights and comfort, should you decide to share it, xx

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:07 pm

      You're very kind, thank you. And I remember that transition– so many joys and challenges. . .

  4. Madame Là-bas
    6 October 2018 / 9:42 pm

    Congratulations on finishing your drafts. San Francisco is such a great city to visit! Enjoy your Thanksgiving week-end!

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:08 pm

      Thanks Mme. It's a wonderful city and we had splendid weather for enjoying it.

  5. LPC
    6 October 2018 / 11:07 pm

    Happy Thanksgiving, and safe return home! And I had forgotten about that woman turning to acknowledge us, it was pretty much a perfect interjection from the universe, wasn't it:)..

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:10 pm

      It really was — she was great, actually, just said enough to indicate interest, relevance, and solidarity (sisterhood!) and then kept moving, leaving us to continue our conversation.

  6. K.Line
    7 October 2018 / 12:32 am

    I really want to know what you were talking about re: gynecological issues!! 🙂

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:17 pm

      I suspect many of your post-menopausal friends could suggest a possibility or two — persistent UTIs, for example, and the horridly named "vaginal atrophy" — such a discussion might also include a certain prevailing approach which entails emphasizing our post-menopausal status almost AS identity and certainly as dominating diagnoses/protocols. . . . Plus the discomfort among young-ish GPs with the possibility of — gasp! — sex (a discomfort I then take on responsibility for "out-ing" and possibly minimizing with some frankness leavened by humour). What you have to look forward to, m'dear 😉

  7. hostess of the humble bungalow
    7 October 2018 / 4:31 am

    Happy thanksgiving Mater and Hello to Lisa!
    So wonderful that you two have helped each other with your writing…I am curious about the Gynaecology chat!

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:19 pm

      I'd wish you a belated Happy Thanksgiving but I see that you had a lovely day so don't need my tardy wishes.
      See above, my answer to K.Line re gynecological stuff

  8. Anonymous
    7 October 2018 / 7:40 am

    Happy Thanksgiving and congratulation on the first draft! It is a really great achievement-you have now time to decide what to do next
    I hope that I'll read both of your books,sooner or later
    It was fantastic to have support and help from a friend (and I find amazing how people whose post we like to read,we started to like as a person ,could be friends,crossing from digital to real life),for you both and it was good to write completely different genres
    M. Douglas? You've got a much better guy
    Dottoressa

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:22 pm

      Thank you! Isn't it great how we can build real-life friendships from our digital meetings — even with friends as far off as Croatia! 😉
      You're right — I'm pretty lucky with my guy. I was only keeping an eye out for Michael Douglas because he starred in a TV series, years ago, called The Streets of San Francisco (Karl Malden was in that as well — did it ever show up where you are?)

    • Anonymous
      9 October 2018 / 5:02 pm

      <3
      About the series: I'm not sure. Never was a fan of M. Douglas
      D.

  9. Unknown
    7 October 2018 / 9:06 pm

    Just to echo what I said on Lisa’s blog….it makes me smile. Two of my favourite blogs come together.
    Ali

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:22 pm

      Aw, what a nice thing to say, Ali — thank you!

  10. Susan B
    7 October 2018 / 10:32 pm

    I'm so glad you two were able to spend some time together! When Lisa told me the two of you were writing partners my response was "well, of course!" Hope your laryngitis clears up and that you have a fabulous time in SF!

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:23 pm

      Thanks, Sue (and I wish we could have timed our respective visits better so that we were all in one place together again)

  11. Eleonore
    8 October 2018 / 11:36 am

    In spite of following both your blogs and reading about your writing projects and even seeing that you finished your fist drafts at about the same time, it still did not occur to me that you might be each other’s writing partners. Not very observant of me. But how clever of you both to get together and support each other!
    As I had the pleasure of (shortly) meeting your husband, I totally agree with Dottoressa: no need at all to look out for M. Douglas.
    Hope your throat is better by now.

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:27 pm

      Paul will be well pleased by yours and Dottoressa's comments — as I explained to her, I wasn't looking for Michael Douglas as a hearthrob (he's getting on a bit as well, right?) — but because of a TV show we watched in the early 70s.
      My throat is really taking its time, but I'm hoping I'll be speaking normally soon, thank you.

  12. Mary
    9 October 2018 / 11:03 am

    Sounds as though your trip was a positive one (albeit you could have done without the ugly residual cold–would be nice if that is mostly gone now). I will add my congratulations on 1) completing a first draft and 2) having a writing partner with whom you can share your ideas and process. Hope you and Pater had an enjoyable time, too.

    • materfamilias
      9 October 2018 / 3:28 pm

      Thanks very much, Mary.
      Pater and I did enjoy our time in SF, although it was pretty constrained because of the cold. It's such a lively city!

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