I was busy last week. Wonderfully busy. Socially busy.
How busy, you ask? Well, let’s see. . . Tuesday evening, dinner and a concert with my daughter; Wednesday, lunch with a new friend; Thursday, lunch and a long afternoon conversation with a long-time friend and ex-colleague; and Friday, an afternoon of urban sketching followed by beer, and accompanied with much chat. So satisfying, and I’m so grateful.
It’s been a funny, long process making new friends here in the city since our move almost eight years ago*, and as I finally begin to savour the rich reward of the effort (and serendipity) it’s taken, I’m also recognizing all over again that Even Enjoyable Activities Demand Energy, especially for an introvert. Even a social introvert such as I appear to be.
So combining last week’s glorious social roster with a few self-care commitments (a visit to have a hearing aid sent off for reconditioning and a new battery; a visit to the optometrist — the visit with the dilated pupils and the VERY bright lights; a work-out at the gym with my trainer) had the effect of slamming me forcefully into fatigue.
Instead of heading off to my Italian class on Saturday morning, I overslept (until 8 a.m.!! That never happens!) and stayed in my pjs on the couch. The universe confirmed the wisdom of my choice by delivering Susan Juby’s latest mystery novel, A Meditation on Murder: A Novel — I’d only put it on Hold two days earlier, but the library emailed that my copy was ready. Our library is only a 5-minute walk from here, and changing from pjs to sweats took less than 2 minutes, so 15 minutes later, I settled into best reading position with the perfect book. That was Saturday, and I finished the last paragraph Sunday evening. . . (I wrote about the first book in this series featuring a Buddhist nun-turned-butler here)
Some general malaise and achy joints accompanied the fatigue, but began lifting yesterday. Lifting enough that I considered writing an overdue blog post. But yesterday was bread-making day, and then energy was dispensed on sorting out some Thises and some Thats, and by day’s end, all I’d done was remember that I haven’t yet introduced you to these new knitted friends.
Each one is knit from a pattern by Cinthia Vallet, and each one makes me smile. You too? I hope so. I hope they compensate for this bit of whingeing. Honestly, I’m very grateful for the time with friends, old and new (heading off as soon as I dot my i’s to see someone I first met 40+ years ago and whom I haven’t seen since before we moved to the city — whoa!).
And I treasure my time with you as well, blog friends! So I will be back to respond to comments later, and I have a few posts “in development,” coming your way very soon.
meanwhile, take care,
xo,
f
* Thinking I might write something about this here soon — I’ve posted a few times since our move about building a new social network, but I’m thinking it might be worth updating. I’ve found some interesting effects of age on the process, and I expect we could have a good chat about it.
Francis, pls adopt me. I need to be one of your grandchildren. love Rocky Raccoon. I would introduce him to my fellow whom I have dragged around with me for a lot of years.
I’m off to put a hold on your newest read by Susan Juby
Ali
Author
Ali, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it! And you’ll love the first in the series — Mindful of Murder — which is set on a Gulf Island. You’ll be sure to recognize some of the characters and culture (although I know that each island has a different flavour, I’d say there are some over-arching similarities 😉
You have managed to address some cogent topics for me in this post, and I am happy that you are going to write more about the process of making new friends at this stage of life when one chooses to move to a new place.
In the last few weeks while my husband and I were on holiday in Tuscany and Umbria, we decided that we really are going to move to Corvallis, OR from Tucson, AZ. I have longed for this from the time our oldest granddaughter was born (five years ago yesterday!) But my husband only recently began to see the importance of being more present for and with our children, their spouses, and their daughters, who range from five years to 4 months old.
This is going to be a huge life change for us. We came here in 1989 to be near my immediate and extended family. By now, the older generations are gone from this earth; and first my siblings and then our children migrated to the PNW. The time has come to be more a part of our children’s and grandchldren’s lives. We have spent summers in Corvallis since we retired 5 years ago, and have visited at least a few more times during the rest of the year, but we are ready to truly have our generations living in close proximity year round.
Over the past three+ decades my husband and I have developed wonderful networks of friends in Tucson. We have been thinking about how we will have to work to establish new friendships. We have a few acquaintances in OR, through the local cycling club. But any advice you have about making friends at this life stage will be appreciated. I’ve thought of maybe starting a knitting circle. . .
Author
I’ll keep your situation in mind as I think of what to write in that upcoming post. I still miss many aspects of my old island/waterfront lifestyle, but it’s the trade-offs of being closer to at least some of the grandkids have been worth it. . . This time whizzes by . . . as you’re seeing. . .
Adorable knitted “friends” you make such lovely things for your family!
Spending time with Friends old and new is such a gift!
I am surprised that I have made new friends late in life…not at all what I would have expected.
Thanks for the reminder of Susan Juby’s newest book. I recently read her Meditations On a Murder. Very enjoyable.
Hope you feel better soon.
Leslie
Hostess of the Humble Bungalow
Author
Thanks, Leslie! It was through your recent post that I found she had written this second volume (and apparently her publisher wants at least one more!)
I love your new knitted friends! Making human friends in a new place as a senior citizen has been challenging indeed. We made an unexpected move five years ago to help our daughter and family cope with our son-in-law’s ALS. His illness and subsequent death plus Covid isolation made life and friends making even more challenging for us naturally introverted folks.
Author
Such a challenging move that would have been, all the grief folded into it, but then being able to help your daughter and family through illness and death and the aftermath.
Covid isolation was a big factor for me as well — it hit in our fourth year here, just as I was beginning to develop some new friendships which were then too hard to maintain over that strange time. Finally gaining traction though, and now able to look back and see that there was more social sustenance along the way that I’d recognized at the time, if that makes sense. More on this later. . .
Raccoon is absolutely adorable!
As a fellow introvert, I look forward to what you share about building new social relationships.
Author
Thanks, Elaine! Yes, we’ll chat more about this soon.
Oh, adopt me too, please! Your knitted creations have so much personality. I love them!
I’m with you about finding that balance…social interaction combined with self care/quiet time- haven’t nailed it yet but I’m enjoying exploring!
On a personal note, we made a big move 3 years ago on my retirement by moving to an area where we didn’t know anyone and really didn’t know anything about the area. It has been the most serendipitous move! We have made friends independently and together.
In the first fortnight of our move, our local village had a festival where we met people. I became part of a creative group that meets once a week and have now made real friends. I feel so lucky as I really wasn’t sure how this move would turn out. I have a beautiful group of friends who have quickly become kindred spirits.
As well we are now within a very manageable travelling distance from family and friends…some are a few hours away, others are 5 hours away and the biggest distance is 7 hours so we’re really happy to be within reach to so many.
Building a social network removed from occupation could have been nerve wracking but it has been totally fulfilling. I have enjoyed making connections and building relationships that have not been based on anything other than personal connections.
Author
Oh, how great to hear this good news about moving post-retirement! I wonder how big a factor is the fact that you’re in a small village. And I’m guessing you’re working some good social chops 😉 Good for you! And I agree, it’s enjoyable/rewrding to be able to build relationships that don’t depend on our kids or our careers or our husbands, etc.
I’m very envious of your village, Geneviève. We also moved to a small village on retirement, and I’ve found it impossible to make new friends. Will look forward to a future post from Frances and seeing if there are any tips for breaking into village life.
That does sound an extremely busy week indeed. If you lived in the UK I suspect you might become a yarn bombing, postbox topper knitter: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-63833983.
I’d welcome your thoughts on making new friends later in life and in a new location, being in a similar situation myself and finding it…challenging.
Author
Yarn-bombing’s been a thing here for a while now — I must say that while I sometimes admire it for inventiveness and even technique when it’s first displayed, it can come to look very tawdry after not too long, given a rainfall or two (and quite a bit of it seems to be made with synthetic yarns, which skip quickly to tired, imo).
Yes, your move would be so different from mine in terms of friend-making (remote, rural vs. city-centre-ish). Different kinds of challenges, I can guess. . .
I’m not a fan of yarn-bombing, particularly of our postboxes, because I think they look classy enough already and aren’t improved by knitted fussiness perching on top, and very much for the reason you state, that they have a short life of looking perky and then just hang around looking sad, drooping and faded.
Glad to hear I’m not the only one who isn’t a fan. I’m on the south west coast of England and I’ve had quite an agressive reaction when I’ve dared to say I find them neither whimsical nor aesthetically appealing!
Quite, Maureen! If people want to knit them and stick them on something in their own garden that would be fine, but they are very much inflicted on the public space.
Such a charming post, Frances. Your creativity is a wonderful gift. Thank you for sharing your art and crafts.
I love R. Raccoon. His personality shines through and in the first photo, he appears ready to run to an adventure.
Author
Aw, thank you Frances! And isn’t he captivating? Not sure how my grandson got him to stand like that with only the support of his tail, but he does look as if he could take off (there’s probably a food-filled garbage can nearby, just ripe for rustling!)
What a great post again, I’m so happy to have found your blog and have shared it with my sister.
Thank you.
I will now steal Leslie lines. “Spending time with Friends old and new is such a gift!”
Life is a gift , especially as we age.
Merci
Denise
Author
Thanks Denise! And thank you for sharing the blog — the more the merrier 😉
Absolutely adorable critters, they make me smile! I sewed a rabbit once, years ago, with a water-color like gingham and creamy corduroy… turned out so sweet, and having nobody to give him to, kept him for years. Like a pet that needed nothing from me – it was delightful!
Like you, I now regularly feel the effects of being out in the world busy, social, and having fun for a day or two, then I contract like a rubber-band and need some couch and book time. Regeneration. I used to think there was no such thing as “too much fun,” but time has proven me wrong!
Author
Oh, that rabbit sounds very dear — and why shouldn’t we attend to our inner child?!
Yep, regeneration! Seems key at this stage!
Such beautiful knitted animals !
I am also an introvert and I find that the time and energy needed to nurture friendships and family relationships is something I need to plan for even though I love my friends and family. It’s complicated by the fact that I haven’t retired yet and am contemplating when I should do so, even while many work friends move on from work and move to new places.
Author
Ah, I remember trying to squeeze time for family and friends around work time — I try to imagine now what would have to be dropped were I not retired and I think I’d be plundering time now taken to nurture my personal social life (friendships beyond family) and self-care. . . That’s hard!
Wonderful knitted friends,Frances!
It is amazing to meet new (and old) friends,too,especially in different age groups!
Thank you for the book recommendation-a new mystery author is always welcome
I’m glad that you like Prophet Song
Dottoressa
Author
I hope you can get a copy of Susan’s books there, K. The first one, Mindful of Murder gives a real sense of life on the little islands off the shore of BC, between mainland and Vancouver Island.
Prophet Song — whew! Really brings some truths home!
How adorable are they! I can relate to the socially busy schedule these past couple of weeks, there was Mothers Day, my birthday and most important my granddaughter’s graduation from college, Summa Cum laude at that, we are so proud! And I have made a new friend. We met this past semester at the learning in retirement program. We ended up sitting next to each other at the annual end of year luncheon and talked the entire time, yesterday she and I had lunch together at a very nice local restaurant, such a perfect day and we were able to sit outside and talked another couple of hours. It was surprising that we had so much in common, although she has done a lot more travel and to some quite exotic places. even trekking in Nepal, a longtime dream for her which she did. Not so happy to learn that I am in for some major home repairs that kind of took me by surprise. fingers crossed the process of renovation goes smoothly.
Author
That’s WAY busy, Darby! Congrats to your granddaughter! And to you on launching a new friendship — an unexpected gift at this age, right?
So sorry about the need for home repair. I’ll cross my fingers for you!
Yes, a post on making friends will be very relevant. I’m okay with going out in the world and meeting new folks. We’ve moved about 15 times in our married life and my priorities were 1. get kids in school and finding their place and 2. join every group or club that I had an interest in and 3. find the bookshops. I never worried about unpacking boxes or house matters until we had all explored our places in the community. So, I focused outwards, making a large circle of places and acquaintances and then moved inwards to home-making. These days I find continuing education classes at universities to be a lifesaver.
After our most recent move in 2019, I have a lot of ‘friends’ because I joined local u3a groups (a worldwide organization) and I lead groups with them. But I put friends in inverted commas because I feel I can’t get deep into friendship with people now. More and more I treasure those who knew me when my kids were young (all long distance now). Those friends knew the real me, when I was working and had a status and we shared all our problems: families, kids, work. I feel that ‘friends’ whom I meet now just see an old lady and they don’t have any interest in my past life and travels, in who I am.
I now know why older people in book groups etc love to talk about their past experiences, their travels, their jobs, etc. It’s because nobody knows the real you. The vibrant, energetic you who didn’t have to spend so much time making medical appts, resting, fighting aches and pains, and comparing symptoms.
I lost my oldest friend to cancer last year and that loss has hit me hard. We’d been friends for 33 years. We knew each other.
Author
Much here that resonates with my experience, and much that I’ll be thinking about as I put a post together.
I’m so sorry that you lost your oldest friend — a bit of our world disappears with each of these special people, doesn’t it? Take care.
Your post resonates so much with me, Elaine. I’ll look forward to the post Frances is thinking of – no pressure, Frances!
Interesting how many of the commenters have moved/are thinking of moving. It is in my mind too – though not at the moment – and I will look forward to reading about the experience from one who has done it.
Author
Ah, interesting! You seem so well situated right now, such a beautiful spot.
Looking forward to the post you’re considering on making new friends as we get older. I devote conscious time to it as it’s something I feel is vital to ensure our social network channels don’t harden and start to resemble our stiffening arteries….
I miss that friend time. Jealous of your new fangled city friends 😉 just love so much these charming knitted characters.
Author
I miss it as well! I need to get across that big puddle!