Last week was a busy one. Busy in the way that can, it’s true, cause mid-career friends and family to (discreetly, one hopes) roll their eyes should one ever mention post-retirement busy-ness in the same conversation as, say, an ex-colleague having to mark four sections’ worth of first-year essays in a week or a younger friend stay late three evenings because the boss needed whatever or a niece or nephew drop the kids at day-care after making their breakfast and packing their lunch and snacks and changing a last-minute poopy diaper all before being at a file-covered desk by 8:30.
And it’s very true. The “busy” these days is primarily of my own choosing, even that which I consider necessary in the long-term. Long-term fitness and health, for example doesn’t happen without short-term maintenance. Last week, therefore, I did 20-40 minute yoga practices 2 or 3 mornings, worked out in the gym another morning, and I walked an average 5 or 6 kilometres daily.
I had two “dates” with my husband: one evening we walked to see Sarah Polley’s beautiful and devastating and redemptive film Women Talking (have you seen it? Highly recommended, and I’m picky about film adaptations of books I love); one morning we walked to a favourite cafe for breakfast.
I also had a splendid day catching up with a girlfriend of 30+ years, checking out an art exhibition and doing a much lighter and happier version of “Women Talking.”
There was my Italian class (to and from which I also walked). The blogpost I wrote (you might be surprised to know that took me at least four or five hours). And an online poetry-writing class I’ve inveigled myself into taking (six weekly, two-hour classes) because the instructor’s premise / concept intrigues me. I might tell you more about it later.
Saturday night at the opera — a joyous production of Benjamin Britten’s Midsummer Night’s Dream.
So then on Sunday, I committed to a day of sloth. More accurately, sloth punctuated by the kind of puttering that comforts, that restores homeostasis, rocks me back to me. . . And, yesterday, puttering that gave me space to evaluate last week’s planning as I looked ahead to this one’s.
I’m belabouring all this activity because when I opened my Little Purple Notebook of the Daily Lists yesterday, I caught myself scribbling an emphatic (even vehement) “Fail” on the left side of the page . . . before I reminded myself of what I had done. Nothing I regretted; nothing I would have surrendered to check off items on my Daily To-Do Lists. Except that “sad day.” I would have given that up, but feelings will bubble over. . .
The right-hand page isn’t a to-do list for Monday (whew!), but served to catch all those tasks, reminders, ideas that popped up as I puttered yesterday. Apparently, I’ve wandered into a month or so of more social commitments than usual, and I’m happily saying “Yes” to as many of those as possible. But that requires some delicate and mindful triage so that I maintain momentum in activities that are important to my post-retirement identity, solitary activities, some of which I find calming, meditative. Writing here, sketching regularly, needlework (knitting, mending, stitching), language-learning. Little of that happened last week, and I ended up feeling a bit off-balance (as evidenced by that “Fail”!).
Yesterday, through, when I wasn’t jumping up to scratch another reminder in my Little Purple Notebook, I slowed down enough (so much!) to finish an entire mystery novel in one day. Tinkered on the piano a bit, sketched a bit, made a batch of soup, stitched over some moth holes in a favourite skirt, had a delicious nap, did a little trip planning. . . A relaxed ending to a busy week.
Sunday night was not a good one — I didn’t finish the mystery until 11-something, and I should have known that crime novels are not soporific. Still, I was grateful for the Reset opportunities of a new week and resolved to make the most of my weekly strength-training session. Not so grateful or so resolute that I didn’t share some ongoing anxieties with Paul when I brought him a cup of tea. He listened as thoughtfully as he can at 7:30 am, and then commented that he hoped my Sauna, Scrub, and Massage would help me relax. “Well, sure,” I conceded. “But that’s not until tomorrow, and I’m feeling anxious now. So I’ll have to hope that I can work it out in the Gym.”
He frowned. “Isn’t today Monday?” It was. Absolutely, it was. And just as I was pointing out that he’d booked my massage as a Valentine’s Gift, so it was on Tuesday, I remembered him saying he’d booked for the 13th, the day before Valentine’s Day. Monday.
So I’m not sure how well I’m doing with organizing this week, barely started. But disorganized as I apparently can be, I spent a gloriously nurturing ninety minutes being steamed and scrubbed and lotioned and massaged while listening to calming music in soothingly fragrant spaces by women with gentle voices. A very good Monday morning at the Hammam Spa.
But now here we are at Tuesday, and I have an appointment with the Gym downstairs. Weights are waiting for me . . .
First, here is a link to my earliest Valentine’s Day post on this blog, 2008. Maybe you’ll recognize the lyrics that had me tearing up a bit. . .
And another Valentine’s Day with happy (and also sweetly poignant) memories . . .
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! Hope there may be pleasant surprises in your day or week. Let me know (in the comments below) if you sympathize with or roll your eyes (enviously, perhaps) at the notion of being “so busy” in retirement. If you also go through periods when saying a hearty “Yes” to a few too many social activities for your constitution (I think the deprivation of these last Covid years — three of them! — plays a role here) throws you off balance. Or, as always, just wave or say a quick hello. Always happy to hear from you.
xo,
f
Happy Valentine’s Day!
I utterly sympathise at the business of the day (week,month…..) front as well as at booking too many social activities. Both are something I like and cherish,but often one could not choose time or days,both with all kind of builders – it’s everything everywhere all at once or nothing at all😉-(and all other kind of handy men or artisans) or friends. I need time to recuperate and regenerate or only think or meditate,simply do nothing,or to be with my family or to do some chores……..I am very organized and I love to have my days planned but a lot of other people are not,or simply have other obligations. So,sometimes, it’s a mess,and a very exhausting one for me.
I went to see The Whale and The Banshees of Inisherin,both excellent, poignant but acting was superb.
Love your Cos dress,love their esthetic!
I’m dying to hear….. what mystery could it be?
Dottoressa
I also completely sympathize with this different sense of busyness that arises in retirement. Once you get the hang of not having external pressures all the time, one can easily start creating all sorts of wonderful activities that keep a person very, very busy. One has to learn to balance social time, exercise, and creative time in the right balance.
I was “starved” when I was working for my own personal creative time (and the energy to complete projects.) I also had little time to take in cultural offerings; now we go to plays and concerts and films. When I am home I stay very busy with various creative projects that roughly fall into the categories of drawing/painting; writing; knitting; and threadpainting (embroidery). When we are traveling, (we travel more now, both to see children and grandchildren, and to see more of the world) I try to have a portable knitting project going, something like socks or a scarf; I have also been developing the art of travel journaling, complete with illustrations–partly inspired by you!
I do not take it for granted that my abundance of free time for these activities is a gift; I also have sufficient financial resources to buy the materials I need for creating. Time has been more of an issue for me, honestly. For the first year and a half after I retired, I was particularly busy with supporting family needs. My aging parents were nearing the ends of their lives, and I was the only one of their children living in the same city. At the same time, we started spending a lot of time up in Oregon to be near our little granddaughters, and help our daughter and son-in-law, which we continue with. We still are spending the summers up north; I get less and less time for myself each year, as the girls get old enough to engage in all kinds of activities! I know this is precious time–the dynamic will shift again when they are older.
Author
Yes, that’s my problem. I’ve “created all sorts of wonderful activities that keep a person very, very busy” after years and years of not being able to indulge, of being “starved,” as you say, for the energy, the time, the opportunity. And now . . . .
But this luxury of choices also includes the ability to support family needs in ways we couldn’t when working. . . our parents are all deceased, but grandkids def cut into the personal time. Like you, knowing how precious and limited our time with them is, I’m happy to spend it. But it means that retirement is more a dynamic time of adjustment to changing circumstances than one might have thought earlier.
I’m delighted to hear of someone else travel journaling — so satisfying, isn’t it?!
Author
Oh, I remember that state of having to wait for tradespeople during construction and renovation — frustrating and it’s been going on for a while for you!
We plan to see The Whale and The Banshees as well — seems to me they both need to be seen in the cinema (Banshees especially, that scenery!)
I’ll give you a hint . . . it’s an Irish series you may have read . . .
Oh, my family and friends are not at all discreet with their eye rolling when I mention my post-retirement busy-ness! I’m so grateful to have the time and space to choose how to spend my days purposefully (or not!) and learning how to get that balance right. And to know that there will still be sad days, at times.
Thanks for your post!
Author
You’re welcome, Genevieve!
Isn’t it a luxury and a privilege, being able to spend our time so mindfully as we choose?!
And when we have sad days, we can honour that need . . .
these last weeks have been distinctly un busy for me. days which consisted of reading and taking walks and really, not much else, wondering at the end of the day where the time had gone. grateful that the weather has been mild for the walking, I did catch up on a couple of subscriptions, a literary journal and a magazine of political and cultural commentary in particular, as well of course on a bunch of novels. Also curious about that crime novel which was so compelling. there was a birthday dinner for a friend at a very nice restaurant, and another dinner out with my friends from the library. I had not seen these 5 women since before the holidays so this was a treat, and we have plans to have dinner again in two weeks. There were a few days when I went with my daughter and her husband to see the pony and his horse. I took my pony ride, walking around the arena on horseback. who knows, maybe I will try a little trot eventually. I do have plans, my courses start next month, and I may be volunteering at another animal shelter. the one where I had volunteered for a dozen years recently closed. I have mentioned I belong to a group for retirees sponsored by a local university with all kinds of lectures and cultural events. This weekend I hope to take myself to the local symphony. So much to look forward to.
I see you wore hearts for Valentines day. once a year I wear a simple red enameled heart my mom gave me when I was in high school. today with an old black velvet blazer, red cashmere tee, well worn jeans and black chelsea boots .shopping my closet for sure.
Author
Isn’t it interesting what we describe as “un busy”! Some activities seem to make us feel more productive and others — in fact, reading your description of activities in the last few weeks, I’d say you’ve struck a good balance. Busy enough, but also time to catch up with yourself — perfect!
I didn’t actually wear those on Valentine’s Day (the photo was from the day I spent with my GF last week), but I should have! Next year 😉
I Love (Heart!) your description of your Valentine’s Day outfit — well-worn classic in gorgeous fabrics. Simple, elegant, that patina that testifies to a well-honed style. Perfection!
The relative nature of busyness made me think of a conversation many years ago with my father, who was retired. I was working full time, had a little kid and a baby, and he was calling to say that it would be good if I stopped by his parents and mowed their grass. I said I was so busy, maybe he could do it? Oh, no, he said, he was way too busy for lawn mowing. I got off the phone before becoming uncivil. Now that I am long retired I totally get how busy it can be but the whole exchange stuck with me because I was so angry….. Wasted energy. I don’t know who mowed the grass.
Ceci
Author
Oh wow! That would have made me angry as well! I’m curious to know whether or not your father had any idea of the work that a little kid and a baby entailed or had he been happy enough to leave that to your mother and assume it was little enough?
Yes, exactly, they had the traditional ’50s style division of labor, he went to work, she stayed home with kids, house work, provisioning, etc. Child care was definitely not his thing! And she didn’t work outside the home once kids came so they had no real model to draw on. I try not to be quite so limited in understanding things outside my immediate personal experience but its hard to tell how successful that is from the inside looking out. Maybe every effort helps.
ceci
Author
Oh, your last two sentences, Ceci! I try as well, and I also wonder how successful my efforts are. But at least I’m making them; as you hope, “Maybe every effort helps.”
It has taken me years to get the balance right and I think I am about there now. I would call it being occupied but not in an anxious way and without any recourse to a timetable or even a time constraint. Too many years choosing jobs that required both takes some adjusting which I am managing by deliberate acts of sabotage (small, I hasten to add). Opting to spend a weekend morning in bed and reading with coffee to hand, instead of grasping the nettle. Not fixing an error in a sewing project which is purely aesthetic – so I can live with imperfection. Reciting, as often as possible at present, Apply Occam’s Razor. I now recognise the signs of approaching self-criticism and take swerving action. Doing it now, as it happens, pausing to watch the jackdaws and rooks in the trees across the road as they are nest-building. I do like that baroquely patterned skirt, btw. Fetching.
Author
Good for you, Annie! You seem to have a balance that works very well for you.
And thanks re the skirt — I love it too, couldn’t resist the colour and pattern when I saw it a few years ago — it’s a wool knit with an elastic waistband, so even better, and through the winter the colour is very welcome.
I like your posts with lots of snippets of news . The Cos dress is lovely & looks very comfy to wear . No Benjamin Britten for me ( I’m more Puccini ) but hubbie is a major fan . When we visited the beach at Aldborough he said Peter Grimes was in his head all the time . Paul sounds like a very thoughtful gift chooser . My Valentines present was a kitchen tea towel – but it was covered in sketches of dogs very like our Rory . So it won’t be drying any pots . He received a batch of his favourite traybakes , berry oat bars . As you can see , we are not red roses & champagne types .
Author
Thanks for letting me know that, Wendy! I often feel unsure about whether those posts with all the snippets cohere, so I really appreciate the feedback.
Ha, re the Britten! My husband is still on the fence, but at least loved the acting, the staging, the costumes, etc. The fellow sitting next to me, however, consulted his watch (I know because it was a watch with a big, lit face!) often and never changed facial expression that I could tell, except when his eyes threatened to close a few times. Apparently, it was his first time at an opera and I’m quite sure he won’t try again — he’d have done much better with Puccini 😉
As for gift-giving, it’s not his natural bent but my fellow’s been well coached over the years. And when he finds something that works, he tends to press “Repeat.” This Spa booking is the latest in a long series, and I’m quite content if the trend continues. I’d also be very happy with a thoughtfully chosen, whimsical tea towel. I have no problem with red roses and champagne, but not in the quantities or the prices associated with an overrated commercial holiday 😉 (Bah! Humbug!)
Just chiming in here quickly to say that I too love your snippets posts…full of insights.
Author
Good to know — that’s encouraging!
Ha! You inspired me to clean a few things off my list. So I come here now with a lighter heart 🙂 I have a book too, and in it are a number of lists ongoing at any one time. The aforementioned were on my ‘before travel’ list and were suspension of services, so quickly done.
I am at home today and the list is a domestic one, not yet tackled. But on it are several items pertaining to food and its preparation. I never thought I’d come to this, but because I get so much produce delivered every week (one of the services I have just arranged to suspend) managing it can be tricky. I know what’s coming in advance but I don’t choose it…so I have to have favourite ‘recipes’, prep methods I guess, in mind for everything under the sun or it just won’t get eaten. And I have a rule: no buying more produce to go with what I already have. Although I love it I have to work hard to triage everything and have it prepped and ready to eat when the time is right. I list it all on a board when it comes in. Mentally decide what needs to be eaten first. Do at least one and often two big prep sessions weekly. Thursday is delivery day so Wednesday (today) is a flurry of fridge cleaning. There is no (or very little) freezing or long-term preserving in this because the next week it happens again. Until suspension time comes, but I’m not fooling myself, I will do this at the market in Venice.
A funny kind of busy-ness AND a need for several lists. And I probably eat 8 – 10 servings of produce every day. So, as you say, an investment in long-term health (not just what goes in, but what doesn’t…there is no room for junk food in this at all…I would explode…)
Author
So your trip is soon, then! Can’t wait to hear about it (will be picturing you at the market in Venice 😉
I’ve debated getting one of those boxes, but He does most of the grocery-shopping and dinner-making (prefers almost daily shopping) and I’d have to take one of two roles, neither of which suit (stern dictator-becoming-nag OR always frustratedly using leftovers in lunchtime soups and weird weird breakfasts). We’re sometimes at our son’s when their box arrives (family of four, so more eaters) and I definitely see the appeal. May succumb at some point — Your description did not dissuade me . . . And I recognize something of my problem with balance here. . . I love those kind of tasks that must be done and that have their own sensory delights in the physical work. A bigger version of what my weekly sourdough and muesli-making give me. . .
We once saw Madam Butterfly in Leeds & really enjoyed it but a couple of ladies sitting nearby didn’t like Puccini at all . They thought they had booked Gilbert & Sullivan’s Mikado 😁
Author
Ha! You must have chuckled!
Oh how I love this post, and how much it reminds me of what joys I have been missing in my absence. I think this kind of “busy” time of retirement is terribly important, even though it does seem odd to compare it to those earlier days when one was busy in an entirely different way. I increasingly think this sense of balance, and of throwing oneself into the business of ordinary life might in fact be the most important challenge of life, and this quite accomplishment the most important. What if the hero’s journey isn’t in the heroic part of that journey at all, but in coming home and learning to simply be oneself in all of one’s ordinary glory? Too many questions….
Author
It’s a constant adjustment, isn’t it, Mardel? We might have imagined, when younger, that by this age we would have “got it together,” but Nope. Still working at it 😉
I’ve given myself permission (blame it on pandemic state of mind) to skip the dusting and vacuuming for so long that now I’m in a panic about cleaning the house for hosting book club this week. I’ve prioritized fitness maintenance, language studies, reading and socializing while neglecting less appealing chores. It does seem as though I am too busy. My adult working children are puzzled by this.
Author
This might be my favourite comment for this post. . . (and I hope you know that you can just dim the lighting until all the book club members have had their first glass of whatever ;-))
Also, I think this could be a motto to live by in our Third Age: “Keep the adult children puzzled!”
It’s been a while, but I do remember too many Yes commitments throwing me off balance. I need space between social events. Since the onset of the pandemic, I haven’t had to worry about that.
I can’t relate to “busy” in retirement, as I’ve been working full-time until recently and may return to it soon. (Trying to figure that out right now, as the exit from full-time work was the result of a reduction of forces – love that phrase.)
I’m still recovering from Covid and I can’t quite believe the level of fatigue I’ve experienced. I come up out of it for bursts and then fall back into it. Today is an indoor activity day, although we’re going to experiment with a short walk. There’s nothing like a virus to slow one down.
Lovely necklace and a sweet Valentine post. Thank you.
Late again. Too busy to write about busyness. But I am busy in a very “conventional” way, having taken on too many obligations for contributions to a history textbook, and now I am struggling with the deadlines. Not to mention doctors’ appointments, anxiety, sleeping trouble, cold rain and wind outside (still too warm for the good of the world), the light coming back far too slowly – february is definitely the worst month of the year for me and always has been. For now it is back to the treadmill, one page at a time. A very protestant approach, I’m afraid.
Author
I agree: February is tough! Good luck on that treadmill. . . one page at a time is really the only way, unless you have a magic wand 😉
I love that we can choose our own agendas, busy or not.
Your wide variety of activities is stimulating and inspiring…i too have had a busy week :-))
Think that faux fur vest is a beautiful garment, happy to hear it was saved at the 11th hour.
Enjoy your weekend Frances!
Author
Yes, I feel very fortunate having the choice!
And thinks re the vest — I’m glad I kept it!
I find that balancing doing enough and not enough, time alone and time in company and time betwixt and between online is really hard without the structure of a job to pour our time into.
Author
This is exactly what I find — the structure of a job was such a clear framework (and for me it affirmed value in a straightforward manner as well)