How strange it is after a month of travel, day after day of being out and about by 10, latest, eating almost every meal in a semi-public place, having every sense stimulated (or, sometimes, assaulted) by new and wonderful and challenging and odd phenomena, much of it in busy urban environments . . . how strange after all that, then, to have spent the last week within the 1000-square-foot limits of our condo, excepting only the solo walks I’ve started going on, modest ones in the neighbourhood, although I did stretch one day to 9000 steps. . .
Also rather strange is how little I’ve minded the quiet and the isolation. Could have done without the Covid fever and even more, without the cough. And I’m sad that I wasn’t able to see a newly Ten on her birthday — nor have I yet and she’s already a week into her Eleventh Year!! I’ve worried somewhat about how much time and work it will take to rebuild the strength I’ll have lost since I was last at the gym.
Overall, though, once the fever and cough abated, the fatigue became something of an ally to what might have been a deep need to hunker down, to consolidate all that I’ve experienced, perhaps ultimately to germinate ideas again but for now just to sit, to be, fallow. I’m not saying that contracting Covid has been a good thing, but it’s hard to think of what else would have given me quiet home time in the last week of November, the Christmas-shopping early days of December.
As it is, even though my Christmas giving is sorted and doesn’t require dashing in and out of shops, it’s tough not to feel as though I should be doing more. Exhortations to buy and to decorate and to bake and to celebrate and to socialize come from every direction, and I struggle to feel I’m not missing out. Christmas dinner will be at my daughter’s, so my only culinary commitment is to bring tourtières (which can be done ahead of time, in stages) to my sister’s for the extended family’s Christmas Eve gathering. I like making a steamed Christmas pudding (a late start: plan to make it tonight, steam it tomorrow) and I’m going to bake up a batch of ginger cookies this week.
And I’ll admit that I’m feeling much more restless today — Tuesday morning — than I was when fatigue stopped me right after I’d written that last paragraph yesterday. Not so long after I’d swabbed (and sneezed — does that swabbing make anyone else sneeze ferociously?!) my way to another disappointingly positive rapid test . . . Beginning to feel isolated and claustrophobic and impatient. . . which feelings I will try to channel into steaming the Christmas pudding, writing this post, walking in a new direction yet to be determined. . .
And I think I’ll revisit my travel experiences while I have the quiet space for it. Realize this enforced resistance of December’s festive momentum for the luxury it might be. Nurture a contentment in being out of synch for a bit, even if the contentment’s edged with sliver of anxiety. . .
So today, something that lets me linger in those memories of Away but begin catching up Here as well, a small Christmas observation . . .
Beginning with an angel I sketched, sitting in a pew in the Church of San Ferdinando in Naples. . . I sketched him in ink in a 4 x 5.5 inch notebook, which I find easiest to carry and to use surreptitiously. I completely filled one of these and had to buy another in our month away, whereas I found it much harder to use my watercolour sketchbook.
In fact, to fill a page of that watercolour book, I sketched the angel from my notebook into the larger book when we got back to our B&B room that evening. I used a watercolour pencil (Caran d’Ache SupraColor II in Siena) and added colour from my mini paintbox . . .
It’s a sloppy page, but I was pleased to have filled it.
So now at home, where I have a loved one who’s had a particularly tough year and is hoping to be finished chemo by Christmas, I thought I’d try painting an angel on a card to carry love and hope and all the positive energy I can load into my pen nib and paintbrush. . . .
What you can’t see shining forth from the card I painted, all my amateur earnestness exposed, is the sparkly paint I used for the cherub — although I think you can catch its gleam in the palette to the right in the photo above.
The card’s in the mail now, I’ve written a post, and now I’ve a pudding to tie up in parchment paper and twine before it’s set to clatter gently in my improvised steamer all day. And I’m feeling a smidgen better about this forced slow-down. Perhaps I’ll feel even better when your comments below let me know how busy you all are with holiday preparations. Or I’ll learn that I have some good company in the slow lane. Whichever, you know I’ll be pleased to hear from you.
xo,
f
In the slow lane with you. Just returned last week from two weeks in Eastern Europe. While I escaped Covid, DH did not. He tested positive the day after our return. Was able to get him Paxlovid and he’s been doing well and is back at work. Five days of providing non-stop room service to the afflicted and catching up on all the administrative tasks of life has left me just plain tired. After the constant go-go-go of travel, I’m quite happy to sit in my office to catch up on reading, doodling and other non-taxing activities. While I tried to journal on the trip, it wasn’t easy (I’m used to solo travel), but I did managed to capture a few lines each day. Love your sketching–as you say–so much art and architecture in Europe–a feast for the eyes. Wonderful that you can return to a sketch, enhance it and use it to send a bit of tranquility to a loved one. Hope you are back to full strength soon. Meanwhile, enjoy the slow lane.
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I’m glad to hear your husband is recovering — and aren’t you relieved he waited until he got home to be ill. And now that he’s back at work, you can finally relax. Take care. Happy to share the slow lane with you.
What a thoughtful post and lovely watercolor of your Neapolitan putto! I too am sidelined this season by a recent knee replacement surgery that has me devoting much of my day to repetitive PT exercises and brief walks. This, after 7 weeks of travel in Italy and NYC this fall. I too have mused on the contrast between the stimuli provided when we travel -Sights! Tastes! Sounds!- and then return to a much less interesting life at home in comparison.
Normally December is full of cookie making and get togethers with friends but this year precious little of that is happening. Yet after the pandemic holidays of the last couple of years I feel more sanguine about this quieter pace and am allowing myself the luxury of a slower, smaller existence, with more time to relax, rest and appreciate the blessings I do still enjoy- a loving husband, children and grandchildren (sadly not local), good friends, art, books, music. And the next trips to plan with my new knee! Hope your Covid swab tests negative soon and that you can celebrate that belated birthday with your grandchild. Enjoy your posts greatly.
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“putto”! Of course!
Hope your physio is having results.. .and you’ll be ready for your next trip. Meanwhile, enjoy the slower pace of a quieter-than-normal Christmas season.
Sorry to hear you have been unwell. Sounds like a perfect companion, though, to have your travel journals, sketches and memories of Italy and Paris for company.
Rarely do I give in to the pressures of Christmas. By no means am I a scrooge, but it is not my favorite holiday by any means. Will do this year more, as we are in Maine together with my family for the first time in a decade, with a seriously ill family member; a reality to offer each of us perspective.
After 19 months of 13 micro moves, one temporary move, then the big move from one place in South East London to another, am glad to concentrate on just dressing up the outside of the house with evergreens and Maine’s abundant pine and red berries, and to resit any racing around. Have made my cards; addressing them now. Add some little white lights outside and I am happy.
A few baubles and candle light inside-that brings me the Christmas joy.
What has steadied me these last 12 months is doing yoga every single day, without fail, no matter jetlag or sinus infection or moving fatigue. In a nutty, uncertain world that has strengthened and calmed me.
May your time to pause and reflect now give you energy to spring into the New Year with plans and projects and connections aplenty.
♡ A. in London
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That’s a lot of moving, A! and I know your last few years have also involved the care of a loved one. It adds up! And all the trans-Atlantic travel!
I’m very impressed you’ve managed a year of daily yoga! I managed one month — last January — and then tended to average 5-10 days, but I see that Yoga with Adriene has a January calendar to help me get disciplined again. Finally got back to the mat with her this morning — felt good!
Your watercolor is lovely; what a treat to get a personalized card with so much love and meaning behind it!
Back in the summer we tested positive for 12 days after the first positive test which happened because I suddenly felt very tired, achey and hopeless – my husband I think was actually positive a couple days before me but had no symptoms other than uncharacteristic anxiety. All this to say it seems to take as long as it takes and resting for longer than seems reasonable, even after the first glimmers of recovery, is the way to go.
We are having a very quiet holiday this year, vulnerable elders in the family, kids in new jobs so travel constraints, spiking flu and covid all around, etc. So very little shopping, making, etc is called for and it will all be fine.
Hope you continue to feel stronger.
ceci
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Thanks for the watercolour encouragement! And thanks for sharing your positive test experience — I know that resting now, no matter how impatient I get, is likely to mean I’m back to full strength sooner. So I’ll do my best. I think your quiet holiday sounds just about right!
Good you are on the mend. Still I am impressed at how much you accomplish. Here in New York this will be a quiet holiday for me. My son and his family will be away visiting my daughter in law’s family. Only my daughter and her husband will be around, so just the three of us, and we have not decided how we will celebrate. We may drive out to the country to see the equine family members, distribute apples and carrots. Gifts will be certificates to local family businesses. I am coming to accept this smaller and less hectic holiday, to see it as just different and not diminished. I am hoping my good friend has recovered from what seemed a mild recent bout of covid so we will be able to attend a choral concert at Caramoor. I used to bake several kinds of cookies but unless I have a sudden urge that won’t happen. And the family will gather at my son’s home on December 31, when they have returned, to ring in the new year together.
Author
I love the idea of a drive to visit the horses on Christmas. We do gift certificates as well — for local restaurants — and we offer the baby-sitting so the parents get a free night out.
The trouble with baking all of those cookies is that we’re all increasingly aware that we don’t need to eat a surfeit of them. I’m thinking of diverting the $$ for the baking supplies towards the local food bank instead. . . Although I don’t want to strip Christmas of all the good smells and sights and tastes! Balance, I guess, as in all things 😉
I wouldn’t mind veering into the slow lane for a little while as long as it didn’t require having Covid! We did that at the beginning of October. Life has been a bit hectic lately with pre Christmas visits with the kids and grandkids in Edmonton and Calgary as well as several medical appointments. I’ve managed to fit most of the Christmas shopping in between all that and the cards went out in today’s mail. Not doing a lot of decorating or baking as we’re planning to be out your way with that branch of the family for Christmas this year.
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So you’ve had your bout of Covid as well — and it sounds as if it’s just as well you got it out of the way in October — Your days sound a bit hectic, so I hope you can put your feet up soon and breathe. . . Take care, Elaine!
I love your angels, Frances, especially the first sketch — the expression and the hand gesture. The watercokours are also lovely. They would make wonderful cards!
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Thanks, Carol! I always love your cards
What a shame that the test is still positive. I am glad that you are feeling well enough to escape outside to fresh air and walks. That surely helps a little.
Isn’t shocking how much strength we lose when we take time away from our exercises? No more getting right back to a routine, as we did in our youth. But, we are lucky that we can work our way back.
The angel is lovely and the sparkly paint is a nice addition. Your friend will be cheered by the card.
I’m feeling more busy in the last few weeks. I’m enjoying the holiday preparations so far. I have cut out some things this year and I feel more relaxed for it. Being still Covid wary, we are not committing to too many gatherings or outings.
Feel better soon!
Author
I tested negative last Thursday, and I’m feeling much better now — but yes, it’s going to take a while to get back to full strength.
I like to think of this cutting we’re doing as a kind of editing which yields all kinds of unexpected benefits. Those “too many” gatherings or outings we’re not committing to these days were just that, I think: “too many”!
What a beautiful card, Frances. I hope your loved one can have a joyous Christmas. And you too xoxo
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Thanks, Lisa! She will at least be done this round of chemo by then, so respite!
love the sparkly cherub! What a thoughtful gesture. I can see how this enforced slow down and isolation could be 1. kind of delicious and 2. crazy making. I hope you get out and about soon. Meanwhile, you are always so brilliant at finding balance and joy life. Lots of love to you and family this Christmas.
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Much better now, thanks! Merry Christmas to you and yours! xo