It’s going to take me a few days to put together that follow-up post about the Italian style exhibition I visited last week and my continuing cogitation on Sustainable Style and Slow Fashion and the like. . .
Meanwhile, either in a post here or over on my Instagram feed, someone asked if I would share my recipe for muesli, and since I’m making a batch today, you’re welcome to it. But even if you’re not interested in muesli, you could scroll down to the bottom of the post for a question posed by one of our blogging community. . . Your advice (or solidarity) is solicited.
Now, on with that muesli recipe. I’ve cobbled together method and ingredients from a variety of sources, but this is my main inspiration, and I keep it pretty loose, substituting different seeds and nuts and dried fruit and grain according to availability and price.
This week, we had no dried cranberries in the pantry, for example (someone’s been snacking on them as he watches TV in the evening, not mentioning any names). I was a bit annoyed to see the container empty, but easy enough to sub in currants and to chop up a few dried apricots. I try for something like 1/2 cup altogether, but vary according to your preference — this will be the only sweetener for the muesli.
The base I use at the moment is 4 cups of old-fashioned rolled oats (you could substitute a portion of wheat flakes or any rolled grain — but I wouldn’t use the Quick version–turns mushy too quickly for me). Toasting in the oven really brings out the flavour and is an indispensable step for me, but I’ve seen recipes that use the oats as they are. . . .
Spread your 4 cups of grains on a cookie sheet, with 1/2 teaspoon each of sea salt and cinnamon
and on another cookie sheet, I like 1/2 cup of sliced almonds and then 1/4 cup of walnuts and 1/4 cup of sunflower seeds. . . . but consider, also, pepitas (pumpkin seeds). . . . hazelnuts, whatever. . . .
Both sheets go into a 350 oven (oats on top rack, nuts on middle/lower). . . for about 10 minutes, or whenever the nuts look toasted. These might have been left a minute too long. . . .
When the nuts are done, pull them out to cool. At the same time, add 1/2 cup of unsweetened coconut flakes to the tray of Rolled Oats, and put that tray back in the oven until the coconut is golden. . .
Now let that tray cool as well. . . .
And when everything is cool, mix all the ingredients together in a large bowl . .
Et voilà, pour it into a large jar and you should have healthy breakfasts for two for about a week. We enjoy ours with 2% cow’s milk, but of course you can substitute any milk you prefer (almond, oat, soy) . . . and it’s also good as a topper for yoghurt.
And you might find yourself nibbling at it dry, especially as it cools and as you mix it together in that bowl. . .
Mine needs to get poured into its tall glass jar now, but before I go, I’ll ask you to weigh in on a Reader’s Comment/Question from several posts ago. Here’s Mary’s comment.
Something in this postmade me ask this question as it is an issue in my life–
with new friends or old, how does one handle the friend who constantly is interacting with their cell phone (including at dinner) and as a result turning their attention to the cell phone (and not for just fact checking). My friend is 70, I am 69 and I expect this behavior of 30 y/o’s but not 70 y/o’s. I would like to know what others think and do?
Actually a trainer who is 30 said that at restaurants his friends all put their cell phones on the table and the first one who reaches for it pays for the meal!
Your turn now: Do you have suggestions for her? or perhaps you just share her frustration? or you can offer a viewpoint from the other side of the table?
My advice re: Mary's question-something I actually do, especially with my mother's friend who is in her 70s and insists on looking at and answering multiple texts from family members or friends who are sharing a joke or a funny photo….all while she has insisted we "must get together and catch up more often". Infuriating.
I do this:she starts looking at her phone, scrolling and chuckling and texting back, sometimes at great length and I just sit quietly and remain quiet and gently and neutrally gaze in her direction rather than trying to distract myself or stare out the window.I just sit and keep my eyes focused on her face in a calm manner. When she eventually looks up, I stay silent and look at her expextantly, waiting for her to rejoin the conversation. I don't pick up where she rudely cut me off; I let her find the thread.
Have persisted with this and the method is now being noticed by her-enough so she is actually fiddling with her phone a bit less. She has self-diagnosed her frantic inattention and fiddling with technology as adult ADHD. May be true, but it comes off as incredibly rude to me and leaves me puzzling out in my mind why she insists so much that we "catch up" when I am back in Maine. She works a full time job and a part time job and is a dynamo.
I use this technique with a friend's husband, too, who has this phone habit to the ultimate degree to the point it causes trouble in his marriage. Less successful with him, but works somewhat. I persist, but find socializing with him because of this a true challenge.
The habit says rude to me; the obsession with phone over human connection a true annoyance. But, my silent treatment seems to be making her quite a bit more aware I have noticed, and seems, over the last few visits, to have made the habit less so.
A.in London
I'm going to try that recipe! When I go out, we keep our phones on the table in case the school calls, but we do not look at them. Perhaps a gentle conversation about how much you value one on one time with your friend (not two people and a phone!)
I do agree with Jen's suggestion for a gentle conversation. Something along the lines of, "Agatha, could we agree to set our phones aside until after lunch? I so want to spend time with you, and phones are just so distraccting."
I like A in London's suggestion. My friends are very good about not using their phones when we meet. I think modeling could work, too–set your phone face down on the table, or make a bit of a show of putting it away in your bag.
I have never appreciated muesli, though I like oatmeal. Making it yourself is a great idea–probably cheaper and certainly without the extras that extend shelf life.
Definitely going to make your muesli and I agree that the toasting will make all the difference. Re phones. I keep mine in my bag when I am meeting people but have no idea what to say to somebody who keeps their phone at hand at all times. Probably something like: am I keeping you at all? Eyebrows raised to heaven as I say this. I loathe phones on the table at meal times. You are there to enjoy the food and chat, damn you! This may or may not be helpful but it is at least heartfelt.
I’m going to try your recipe, looks delicious.
Regarding the cell phone obsession, I think maybe a sentence when first sitting down might work like this:
“Let’s BOTH put our phones on Do NOT Disturb so we can have a nice/good/great visit.”
My friends daughter says she does this when the phone comes out: text a message to them saying something like “hey I’m over here hahaha”
Obviously there may be times (ill family member etc…) when you need to be accessible but a simple explanation for that is all that would be required. And it would only require a quick glance to check.
I am lucky and none of my group does this. I agree with the others it’s incredibly rude.
A in London has a nice soft approach but maybe it’s too gentle. It’s very disheartening to deal with that behavior from friends.
On a similar note, I also find it so rude when a customer at the checkout-cashier doesn’t even acknowledge the employee and spends all their focus on the phone. Sheesh, it’s like they don’t deem them worthy of their attention. Just Unacceptable, IMO.
Thanks for posting, have a great day!
Suz from Vancouver
We learned the verb for this in French class: télésnober.
A. in London: This is a respectful, firm, and honest approach that, at the very least, honours both yours and your friend's dignity (even as she is not respectful of your time). It seems to me that choosing a response like this means that you have a sense of control throughout a visit with your friend and you clearly express your position — without getting frustrated or angry. And presumably, you get something from the time together as well, and if not, at a certain point if the situation doesn't improve, the visits will become fewer and farther between.
Jen L: Let me know if you do — it's become our staple here. . . I think your kids might like it as well.
Carol: I like the gentle approach as well, and your phrasing is clever, the "we" instead of the "you."
Taste of France: This might be the muesli for people who don't usually appreciate it — the toasting makes it so and the toasted nuts. It's crisper, closer to granola although no added oil or sugar.
Annie: Toasting is the trick! 😉 As for the more forthright approach with a heavy dose of asperity (:-). . . . it would depend so much on the particular friendship, wouldn't it? I don't have any friends with whom this is an issue, but if I did, I suppose I'd be looking at what else I value in them and whether or not it was worth a confrontation. . . .I dealt with the problem in the university classroom regularly, generally conscious of adults making adult choices but also conscious of the effects of distraction in the room. It's tricky — so few of us respond well when confronted directly with our bad behaviour. . . .
Suz: Your response is closest to what I think I'd do — as is Carol's. And I quite like your friend's daughter's humourous texts — I think they could work, maybe elicit a sheepish "Whoops, Sorry!"
Georgia: This is great, thank you! We're supposed to be collecting "argot" for next lesson, and I know this isn't that, but something like. . . . I'll have to see if my prof uses this one.
All: Building on Suz and Carol's suggestion of making a "Let's" instead of a "You should". . . . do you think Mary might say, as they sat down, that her young trainer friend had told her about putting phones on the table and that whoever reached for theirs first paid for the meal. . . .and then suggest they try that? Or some variation thereof?
That is more or less how I make my müsli, except for the roasting of the cereals. I am going to try that next time.
I am still very reluctant about cell phones. Most of the time, I do not carry mine, and I always fear to interrupt when I ring other people. If somebody behaved in the way described by your friend, I would probably protest quite openly or offer to go and leave the other person to his/her important business. But I realize thst this is not the nice Canadian way ;).
We were out for lunch and observed a table of young people eating and texting on their phones….we joked that maybe they were texting each other!
I have been guilty of texting at a meal… :-()
Eleonore: Ha, we do have that reputation for politeness to the point of self-denial 😉 We're not always that nice, truly. . .
Hostess: I've seen that too! Remember the way little ones engage in "parallel play"? Reminds me a bit of that — "parallel texting, parallel eating:" I've certainly texted during a meal as well, but as I imagine is the case with you, I've asked permission/explained the necessity/ apologized for doing so, and I've kept it to the minimum required. Sometimes the alternative might be cancelling the rendez-vous, and our cellphones make it possible for us to avoid that — but then we'd let our lunchmate know and perhaps give them a choice. I have no doubt you're very thoughtful about this, and I don't think Mary's friend is. . . .
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lovely recipe!
A. in London treatment is a great one! My friends are not in this category,we have our phones ready,but only for a case of work/family emergency
During the last year of my father's life,I've had my mobile on mute,but in my hands, even in the cinema or theatre (but it was a must)
Dottoressa
@ A. in London, your method is tactful and is similar to my first step… or as I prefer to think of it, intervention. I have had to escalate with an extended family member and recently said, "Harriet, I have limited time to spend with you, and would so enjoy that, rather than watching you pick up your e-mail."
Forgot to say, I love granola, and have lately become hooked on overnight oats, the uncooked version. I make a different fruit combo every day, with either frozen or fresh fruit, and it's fantastic, with no added sugar (except that in the fruit.)
Awwww, the tulips. They are beautiful, the freehand are my favorite. Such a delicious feeling when the desire to draw or paint or write stirs.
Duchesse: Overnight oats are great as well, if only one remembers in the evening. . . do you use milk (dairy? Or?)
Smithposts: Thank you! It is a delicious feeling and so fine having time to honour it and follow through, right?