First post of 2020 — Hello! Happy New Year!
Really, though, if I tell you that we’ve put away the tree and the lights, but the Christmas crèche is still on the dresser in the entrance hallway, will you say that I still have one foot back in 2019? In my defence, the Three Wise Men won’t arrive until January 6th, Feast of the Epiphany, so Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus and the angels and the cow and the horse and the camel (and his keeper) can’t be packed away until then — and after that, I still might need to keep them there until the grandkids have visited and verified that the Wise Men made it across the desert (they’ve been waiting expectantly). . . . .
And I’m still savouring some Christmas memories, not quite ready to pack it all away so quickly. This afternoon, in fact, I’ll be “opening” a big Christmas gift from Pater, and I get to share it with two of my daughters. This is the second year that Paul has given me a Massage at a wonderful Hammam Spa here in Vancouver — and so that I might have some exclusive time with our daughters (our time together is usually spent in the company of the kids, so many distractions!) he has booked the three of us in. Hammam (steam room), then gommage, then massage, and after the massage there will be pastries and tea on cushions in a jewel-toned Sultana Lounge. . . and then we’ll float home. . . .
Next week, it will be Paul’s turn to enjoy a spa experience — and I get a second turn! Different spa this time, but it sounds equally luxurious, if rather novel — a Salt Sauna and Hydrotherapy set-up in a gorgeous enclosed outdoor space. Our Christmas gift from daughters and sons-in-law (also included was a bottle of Veuve-Cliquot and unbreakable champagne tumblers to bring with for sipping in the “ultra-deep cedar soaker tub”. . . and a box of exquisite, artisan chocolates that might have been intended for nibbling there but had no chance of lasting that long. . . .
I love this trend to give experiences rather than a material gift. Last year, we gave our young couples gift certificates for a favourite neighbourhood restaurant along with overnight baby-sitting for the occasion. This year, thinking I might seem lazy if we gave that same gift again, I checked to see if they’d like tickets to contemporary dance or opera instead (and yes, these guys would all happily attend either, although they don’t tend to budget for the tix). My son-in-law** thought tix to Vancouver Opera’s upcoming Another Brick in the Wall (Pink Floyd) would be great, and he promised to check with my daughter and get back to me. But then he said he’d be really happy just to get the restaurant gift certificate again. I’m quoting from his text, and I think he won’t mind, “Those dinners are investments in a happy family. We get to do what we don’t normally have time to . . . talk. We do about 3 of those a year . . . and [the kid] is usually there for at least one of them.” . . . . So in the end, that’s what we did, for all three young couples living close enough. (As for the kids, I do one-stop shopping at Vancouver Kids Books. They have other grandparents who can do the fun stuff. I’m Nutrition all the way — insert kid eyeroll here).
We’re never good at getting gifts for the Italian crew, and I’ve had poor luck with the Italian postal service (I knit a doll for my granddaughter, and it was six weeks in transit before it landed back in my mailbox with a demand that I submit money to pay for the Customs fee — luckily, its arrival here coincided with the ex-pats’ visit home, and the doll flew to Rome in a suitcase). But this year, I heard that they were thinking of seeing Swan Lake at the magnificent Opera Theatre in Rome, and we offered to help with the tickets. Even knowing that The Little Italian Girl squirmed and fussed at the ballet’s length, seeing photos of her all dressed up on that elaborate staircase, being a small part of what might become a rich tradition for her . . . .far more satisfying than trying to find gifts to suit, especially these days when we worry about how much ends up in the landfill.
I’m curious to know whether some of you are gifting Experiences rather than something that can be put in a box under the tree (and not just for Christmas, of course — this goes for birthdays and other occasions as well). Perhaps you have suggestions for other experiences that make good gifts. Comments always welcome. . . .
For now, though, I have an appointment at the spa. Hope there’s something lovely in your day as well.
xo,
f
**Another comment that made me happy this Christmas also came from a (different) son-in-law who said of the tourtières I’ve been makingsince 2007 that “it wouldn’t be Christmas for him now if we didn’t have the tourtières.” More evidence that experiences are often more significant than things. In fact, he made the pies to fill the void when Paul and I spent Christmas in Italy two years ago — he handed back the baton — er, rolling pin — last year, but he’s added the very good tradition of Branston pickle as accompaniment.
Oh experiences are the best gifts!
Spa time, opera, theatres, and dinners all appreciated so much and adult couple time is hard to come by when you have a family. A fabulous gift.
Your Christmas tortiere tradition sounds like it’s become very popular with your family. Nice to make something that everyone looks forward to enjoying. Have fun at the spa!
I enjoyed this post and your reflections on the gifts you gave and received. We, too, gave experiences in some cases this year and I've vowed to do even more experience-gifting next year. Restaurant certificates and movie gift cards, along with accompanying grandparent child care vouchers went to our children, for example. Spa certificates are a great idea, too, thank you!
Recently I've seen articles and images, as you probably have too, documenting how much of our online shopping and accompanying returns end up in a landfill. Apparently this is cheaper for vendors than paying costs associated with restocking. Some brick and mortar stores contribute to this practice as well, for reasons associated with both cost and brand-image concerns. In a world where many need shoes and clothing and other basic objects, this haunts me and has made me vow to pay more attention this year than I have been to how much and where I buy objects both for myself and as gifts for others.
We had another death in the family right at Thanksgiving, so this year our gifts (among my siblings) were a donation to the college fund for the children of the person who is gone. Certainly made me think about the concept of abundance.
Experience gifts are the best! I've got spa twice for birthday and it was lovely. I always prefer to gift (and receive) experience gifts,whenever is possible. Some of my friends are happy receiving tickets for theatre or concerts (and we, as a group-it was my idea-modest as always :-)-have gifted weekend in Venice for one couple's anniversary),but there are more of them who prefer material gifts. My heart aches -I see all this consumerism as very bad choice
When I was young,books and a box of chocolates were nice gifts,and ,lately,I've turned full circle and buy a bottle of fine wine,chocolates,fine cheese ,a plant or something similar (it is also kind of experience!)
Your gifts for all members of your family are fabulous! Enjoy your spa(s)!
Dottoressa
We received two experience gifts from children this year – one a dinner out together with the couple, and the other a gift certificate at a restaurant we enjoy. We also received books, which are experience gifts of another sort.
Tim's mother had the custom of giving cash to all of us at Christmas and it was delightful to think of what to spend it on. Now that she's gone, we are taking up the baton and gifting cash to our children, as well as a small gift. This year I made fringed linen shawls/scarves for the girls and Tim made rock bouquets for their gardens. We all agree that we do not need more junk!
I hope the spa was absolutely wonderful and that you feel the benefit of the treatment and daughter time for a long while.
I enjoyed this post! I think it is nice (and useful) to look back at gifts given and received. My favorite gifts received were related to art, a gift certificate to our local art store and a handful of watercolor pencils. We also gave and received favorite restaurant certificates. In the past I have given my husband movie certificates. We still have all of these, we forget to take them when we go :-(. We gifted John's children a nice contribution to each of their Roth IRA's. Both children really seem to appreciate it and have become fans of watching their investments grow. That makes my husband happy!
Hope your spa experiences were memorable. Sounds like cozy, relaxing experiences!
I so agree about experiences as gifts. We remember those when all the stuff we receive is forgotten. This year I bought my partner a half day with hawks which he is so looking forward to. He says the best gift I ever gave him was a flying lesson. I love the idea of a spa day and might put that onto my wish list. I am sure you enjoyed yours. Such a special thing to have time with your daughters.
Lots of good ideas here for future reference. I imagine we'll do more gifting of experiences once our young people are more settled. Just now they're at the stage of setting up in flats/flatshares, daughter very expensively in London. So there are plenty of basics of life that they still need and really appreciate. My husband is almost impossible to buy a present for, having very particular ideas of what he likes and I refuse to buy him something just for the sake of handing over a gift. He is clocking up interest on my gift of 'a sea or river kayak trip', but is still researching which one he would like…
I will be very brave in this community of spa lovers and admit that a spa experience is my idea of hell. My family are well warned never even to think of giving me one as a present. Not keen on all that wafting around in a dressing gown – as someone who doesn't own a dressing gown at home (I'm a get up, get showered, get dressed person) – and after what amounted to an injury, I'll only now receive a massage from a chartered physiotherapist rather than a beautician. Am I alone as a spa-phobic???
The best gift my mother ever gave to her family was the suggestion to abolish Christmas presents between adults. To the younger generation (all grown-up buy now)I give books (often out-of-print second hand books), home made cookies and artisan chocolates made in a little cafe a few blocks from my house. These may not fall into the experience category, but certainly all nieces and nephews consider them a tradition they look forward to. Another tradition greatly appreciated by all the young folks is the mousse au chocolat which I always contribute to our family gatherings (among other things). In 2019 two little grand-nephews joined the family, they were given hand-crocheted sleeping dolls. In general, if there are special wishes for hand-made gifts, I am always happy to oblige. This time, one nephew opted for "very colourful" socks, and my son who is still busy setting up his first own household asked me for a pair of my hand-embroidered potholders.
(Of course, rules are there to be broken, so there are occasional gifts among the older generation, too. As every year, I received delicious cookies made by my sister, and my SIL gave me olive oil from her own olive grove.)
Hostess: Thanks! We had three delightful hours!
Roxanne: There are some horrifying truths for us to confront, aren't there? Really good reasons to switch over to the kind of experience gifting you're doing. Brava!
Lisa: I'm so sorry to hear of this loss, and I think I know what you mean about the concept of abundance, from our extended family's experiences this last couple of years. . .
Dottoressa: Spa for birthday, yes!! The treats we don't so easily give ourselves. And I agree that some consumables make good experience gifts as well — chocolates and wine, a bottle of great bubbly, luxurious bath products. . . .
Lorrie: Oh, that dinner out with one of your young couples is a great gift because of that time with them as much as for the delicious restaurant meal. As for your mother-in-law's cash gift, I think of our early penny-pinching years and some of the gifts we got from my in-laws and how useful the equivalent cash would have been instead. . . 😉
Smithposts: Isn't it great to receive gifts that show you've really been seen? Those art supplies for your new pursuit! I chuckled at the movie certificates you keep forgetting to use. We did the same thing with restaurant gift certificate we received from our son last year — I think it took us 'til our 3rd visit to remember!
Christine: Wow! That's top-level experience gifting! A half day with hawks. . . . (would have been hard to top the flying lesson, I imagine, but this is very good as follow-up. . . .
Linda: It's true that this is very ages-and-stages. Ours are all quite established in homes with families now, so the years when we might give a good set of cookware are long over. I think those gifts were much more appreciated then than a gift certificate to a restaurant would have been. As for the spa, I understand some of the reluctance — didn't have a manicure or pedicure until my 40s, perhaps later, and the first time I was given that as a gift, I would have found it too awkward except that the girfriend who gave it came with me, so we had the time together and pretty nails as a bonus. Yesterday, at the Hammam, there wasn't much wafting — that's tough to do in a Steam Room 😉 nor can you waft while you're being vigorously scrubbed all over (the Gommage) nor while being massaged. . . We did sit in our robes after we were all done, while we sipped mint tea and enjoyed a pastry. . . .So I'm curious, is it the idea of the wafting, the wasted time, or do you not like massages and saunas, etc. in general. Which, of course, would be a perfectly legitimate response (my husband is quite clear that he never wants a massage, but he does like a good steam)
Eleonore: I love your approach to Christmas — so many homemade gifts and the ones you buy are thoughtful about the recipients AND the planet. I also appreciate the rule-breaking 😉 There's always a danger of getting locked in by our Christmas traditions, isn't there?!
Every year I give my husband what he always asks for; a monthly donation to his favorite charity. A yearlong gift to help others. Happy New Year and blessings to you and your family.
I love receiving and giving experience type gifts. I need fewer material things now that I’m of a certain age (and have all the personal and household things I require and then some) and I have rather specific tastes (yeah,I’m picky 😂) which make me hard to buy for. My daughter, bless her, still likes to buy me things and she did rather well this year gifting me a linen shirt I’d admired and adding a surprise of some panforte, which I love and am still enjoying all these days later (I appreciate and enjoy consumable gifts of food and alcohol but some family members prefer things that “last”). Our main present to our daughter was definitely an experience – she’s currently on her first European holiday and we gifted her accommodation in Paris and London (combined 21st and Christmas present), which I hope will help create wonderful memories. Our Christmas decorations are coming down today (6 Jan) – they are the simplest we’ve had for some years and I’ve loved them – so don’t stress about your remaining seasonal display.
That sounds like a marvelous Christmas idea. My husband gave me a hammam/massage gift once. I made an appointment and showed up, on schedule. Another woman arrived at the same time. She was half an hour late. I was very annoyed because they rushed me through in order to take care of her. Never went back. Also the "energy" massage was a bunch of hooey–they wave their hands over your body and you're supposed to feel the energy. I do not. I want my muscles pummeled.
OTOH, I always had fantastic experiences at the hammam in the Grand Mosque of Paris, but I haven't been back in many years.
Your restaurant/babysitting gifts are so very thoughtful. And the text from your son-in-law is touching. He sounds like a good guy.
A ballet is on tap for the end of the month. Sleeping Beauty. Another experience gift.
Some more prosaic gift-giving as we get older. Husband's extendable ladder (bought by his father over 50 years ago) needed replacing. I chose a courier to deliver to a nearby post office who, every time I went in to collect, looked through a cage of tiny parcels, even though I told them it was 6 metres long – it was eventually delivered direct! And daughter gave tickets to the Mary Poppins musical to Grandpa and her daughter – perfect! A happy New Year to all. Elizabeth
Kathy: That's such a meaningful gift. Inspiring!
Maria: How exciting for your daughter! She will surely be treasuring the experience and making some great memories. As for this pickiness of which you speak 😉 — Yes, this is a big problem in our family as well, and I solved it in the past sometimes by taking the recipient with me to help buy their gift — so the gift and the experience got rolled together. But that's been tougher to arrange the last few years with everyone so busy. . . . as for the decorations, maybe tomorrow? 😉
Taste of France: That's atrocious behaviour for a spa, which should be all about restoration, not aggravation! It would never happen at the wonderful Hammam here (Miraj Hammam Spa, in Vancouver, a jewel!0 One day, I'll get brave enough to book myself an appointment at La Grande Mosquée; so far, I've only been there for tea. Yes, I have wonderful sons-in-law (daughters with good taste 😉 Enjoy that ballet!
Elizabeth: Too funny! Obviously tough to disguise that gift 😉 And I love the image of Grandpa and g'daughter at Mary Poppins — that's the loveliest kind of experience gift.