Some of you will remember a post I wrote almost two years ago, about my young nephew’s diagnosiswith cancer (Ewing’s Sarcoma) the week before his daughter’s birth. So many of you left thoughtful comments on that post, and some of you even donated to the GoFundMe campaign set up by Ryan’s sister-in-law. I posted a thank-you for that support along with a photo of the new little, hopeful family back here. Carly and Ryan’s strength and hope and faith continued to impress and inspire all of us as we watched them juggle parenting with chemo. And a year ago, I shared the hopeful message Carly posted as she encouraged us to participate in the fund-raising Daffodil Dash as part of Team Ryan.
In between, behind the stage of this blog, there were family trips to Disneyland, there were extended-family Easter-egg hunts and Christmas gatherings and a first-birthday extravaganza. Carly went back to her paid work after maternity leave and Ryan took care of their little girl. Each time we saw them, he looked just a bit weaker, but he never admitted to being tired and they kept showing up at all the family gatherings. And just before we left on this trip, their wedding on a sunny afternoon overlooking an ocean inlet. . .
This morning, I posted this on Instagram:
My family is gathering back home to grieve the loss of my nephew. A handsome, gregarious, talented athlete, he entertained many of us with his antics at my son’s wedding seven years ago and surprised some of us when he committed so completely to @carlyprentice within a few months of that wedding. The wisdom of that choice meant that although he wasn’t yet 28 years old, he was already a wonderful father to his almost-two-year-old daughter, and just before @paulsprout and I left on this trip two weeks ago, Ryan and Carly showed us how to make room for joy in the midst of sorrow at their beautiful wedding. From his wheelchair, his strength obviously fading at times, Ryan was gracious and loving, saying a few thoughtful words to all of us who leaned over to congratulate him. He and Carly inspired all of us, from the moment they got his diagnosis the week before their little girl was born, and they will continue to inspire as we watch her grow and do our best to nurture his legacy.
Just thought you should all know. Too quickly, the petals fell to the ground, but what a bloom he was.
xo,
f
Ah. A time for silence. Take care.
So sorry…..
Hug
Dottoressa
I am so sorry for your family's loss of Ryan. You have my heartfelt sympathy.
A life shortened in length, but not in spirit. Pax. XO
So very sorry to hear this. Linda
Such a very beautiful post. I'm sorry he's gone, and I hope your family finds comfort in each other or whatever is their habit. Love to all.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Ryan. It sounds as though he set a great example of living courageously and fully.
Ella
So very sad. I'm sorry for your loss.
How very very sad. My sympathy to you and all your familiy, particularly to your brother and sister-in-law. I cannot even start to imagine what it must be like to lose a child…
I have often wondered about Ryan since you first mentioned him. I am so very sorry for your family's loss. Denise L.
Such a sad time for your family.
Ali
Heartbreaking. So very sorry for your loss. I often think poets best express the strongest human emotions best.
First Fig
My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends –
It gives a lovely light.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
A friend quoted this poem, which I have long loved, just the other day when we met in Paris. Thank you for bringing it to this context. Very thoughtful.
With so much sympathy on a shocking loss – for his young family and for all of you.
I'm so sorry to hear about this sad, sad loss. Wilma
I'm so sorry to hear about this sad, sad loss. Wilma
"Grief, bereavement, the personal loss of a dear loved one is complicated. There are no words, no consolation, no condolence. Healing is a scaled process that shifts randomly, up and down a continuum, without any sense of progress, and without any conclusion. Grief, like enduring love, is permanent. Every once in a while someone says or does something that is helpful." I find these words so true. You and your family have my deepest condolences.
Perfect description of loss and grief.
Ann in Missouri
Yes. Where is this quotation from, Jeannine?
Such sad news. I am so sorry for your loss. You have my sincere condolences.
What a terrible loss. I'm so sorry for his family and all those who loved him.
Ann in Missouri
Glad your nephew had a short time with his daughter. So sad. Thinking of you all. B x
He was a wonderful father in the time he had, and she will have a rich archive of photos and videos and stores from which to learn about him. . .
Dear Frances, I wrote several comments and then deleted because the tears start falling and I couldn't stop. Reading your blog about Ryan's death had brought up feelings that I thought had been kept under control. When you wrote about Ryan's illness in your blog, my wishful heart was hoping for a cure or a long remission. Sometimes there's nothing else to hold on to but hope. Sending my love and deepest condolences to you, and your family, especially to his wife, daughter and parents. ~Amelia
Thanks for your kind words, Amelia, and I'm sorry for those feelings the news triggered in you. It can be such a sad old world, can't it?
I'm sorry to report that I do not remember where I picked up this quote. I've always been a quote collector. After I lost my eldest son (he was 27), I collected numerous quotes related to grief and losing a child. They helped give me perspective and affirm, or put into words that I did not have, what I was feeling (and still do feel).
Sorry – I see I did not get this attached in the correct spot – I was replying to your question, Frances. And thanks for asking.
Thanks for coming back to answer this, Jeannine. And I'm so sorry about your loss — no matter how long ago, the loss of a child continues to resonate. You're wise to have collected those words that help steady and comfort you.
Hi Frances – so sorry to hear this sad news. Your nephew sounds like a lovely person. Sending you and you family my condolences.
Thanks M. He was a good man, a beautiful dad. . .
I'm so sorry for your loss, Frances. May your memories of him be a comfort.
Thanks, Sue.