Some recent random aperçus, or observations — not quite epiphanies, but bordering on — about this state of my retirement and my move through what some sociologists are calling Young Old Age (sometimes designated as 60-69, sometimes as 65-74).
1. Sitting on our leather couch one evening recently, admiring the sunset colours firing up the urban skyline, I pushed aside the dismay Pater and I have shared about inevitably losing part of our view as this neighbourhood continues its rapid change from urban-industrial/commercial to a relatively dense residential/commercial mix. Instead, as I told Paul when he came back in with groceries a bit later, I decided to embrace our good fortune in already having had two-and-a-half years of spectacular urban views, with another year, at least, ahead of us. After that, yes, we may have to contend with noisy, in-our-face, dusty, intrusive construction as our view is partially erased. But meanwhile, I’m going to savour the sunsets laid out in front of us. . .It’s a work-in-progress, to be honest, this attitude, but I was pleased that it emerged so spontaneously in that moment.
2. Totting up my week’s exercise a few days ago, I realized that my fitness mojo might just be back (crossing my fingers and knocking wood that I’m not tempting fate by putting that on the screen!). After last year’s seven courses of antibiotics (recurrent UTI), two dental crowns, way too many colds, I’m hoping I’ve coaxed my immune system to work with me for continued good health and mobility.
I suspect that this shift has something to do with Time and Process. . . in my experience, the anti-trifecta of Grief (my mom and his parents died 2013/14), Retirement, and A Big Move brought recurrent bouts of depression which pummelled my sense of self-worth and identity in ways I didn’t expect. And weakened mental and emotional health, unsurprisingly, manifest themselves in compromised physical health. Never compromised enough for so long that I couldn’t keep working at a lower level of fitness, but not where I wanted to be.
When I realized my fitness levels might be approaching my (loose) goals and that, overall, I’ve got more stamina and endurance than I did last year or the year before, my next thought, quite honestly, was to wonder if I’d been premature in retiring. I wondered if I might just have outwaited (scaled back my teaching load; taken a term off) the fatigue and depression that I didn’t fully connect, at the time, with bereavement. And I was tickled to answer myself immediately: I would not want to be using this newfound energy for anything other than the mix of creative and educational pursuits and social, family, and fitness activities.
This week, that mix includes:
Visiting with our ex-pat daughter, hosting a brunch so that her aunts and uncles and cousins could say “hello” during her week here (I have to stop myself from writing “her week at home,” because of course it’s not her home anymore. She’ll go back home, to Rome, when she leaves us on Saturday).
Sketching in my journal — I made a Butternut Squash and Boursin Tarte Soleil from a Globe and Mail recipe (I’d link, but it’s behind a paywall) that promised to be fun and easy, using frozen puff pastry. Well, the man who does the grocery shopping brought home frozen phyllo pastry which is a bird of quite a different feather — and I didn’t notice the discrepancy until the morning of the brunch, when the pastry was defrosted. Given the difficulties that posed — layers of phyllo are not nearly as robust for twisting as the puff pastry would have been, at least not in my hands — it was surprisingly edible!
Preparing a 10-minute presentation which I’ll give at French class. Yes, I’m nervous. But also pleased because our instructor asked us to include the subjunctive mood, and I managed to work in five instances of it.
Gym workout and morning runs. —
And researching/planning what flights we can manage with our travel points. . . .
What about you? Has life opened your eyes recently to something that might have been there for a while without your noticing? Have you experienced an unexpected shift, a Click if you will, that only Time and “natural processes” could have brought about? Are you still working through adjusting to your age or stage of life and/or thinking forward to the next one?
And if you’re not up to the big questions this morning, perhaps a tip or two on working with frozen puff or phyllo pastry — or a culinary disaster you’ve managed to avoid — or one that sunk you?
Lots to say but this will be brief. About your immunity and colds…can I suggest Vit D sprayed under your tongue once a day as my private GP here instructed? Last week I passed the 2 year anniversary of the complete and total turn around in my immunity-nary a cold, a sniffle,a sore throat. Nothing. For 2 full years. ALL because the doctor gave me a blood test to check Vit D levels and my body had NONE. Although I have never been troubled by depression,as a general state of things, studies I have read about Vit D say people remark on improvement in their depression. A friend's daughter is being treated in Italy with massive doses of Vit D for a type of MS. Vit D is a wonder cure in my books.
Plenty, oh plenty, to say about big shifts, as of late, and also about my strong feelings and thoughts about the concept and word ex-pat.Will not bore you with the details, other than to say I do not consider myself one; it is a term that gets under my skin. Please, please understand, not saying this because you mentioned your lovely daughter as one. Rather saying it as you asked questions about shifts and views and thoughts on states-of-being.
So happy for you that you have all gathered'round R and had nice family times.
Enjoy those sunsets, each and every one. Sounds like splendid advice to self. I will join you in doing the same.
x A.in London
Completely agree about D vit,but highly suggest the consultation about dosage,possible side effects and intake of water with your GP. Vitamin D is not water solubile like Vit C or B group,so it is important to take the right dose and not overdose (because it regulates really a lot of important processes in the body and using too much could be very bad)
There are some videos on You Tube about Dr Coimbra protocol (for MS and some other Autoimmuno Diseases )and an importance of vit D
As my son lives in Vienna-I could relate with some of feelings not mentioned here.I usually try to concentrate on the bright side
Dottoressa
Thanks to both of you re the Vitamin D. I've actually been dissolving tablets under my tongue for the last few months, recommended by my pharmacist — so come to think of it, that may have something to do with the better spirits 😉 But mine are a modest dosage —
Interested in your thoughts about the term "ex-pat" given you travel between two homes, A. And yes, Dottoressa, best to concentrate on the bright side 😉
This is pure awesome: "I would not want to be using this newfound energy for anything other than the mix of creative and educational pursuits and social, family, and fitness activities." Ain't it great when you can make a choice that is so pleasing??
I have to hope hard that time brings on the natural process of healing because I'm in a vortex right now.
It is great! And I hope that time pulls you out of that vortex before much longer — your weather is not helping at all!
I have a friend who had 6 months of antibiotics for repeated UTI’s and it turns out that estrogen cream was the answer…sounds like you are generally feeling better and have more energy which is wonderful news. The only time I suffered a few months with depression was in peri menopause and I blame it all on hormones. I am not an expert but I feel that grief and loss are not the same as depression…and thankfully the pain does ease.
Your illustrated journals are truly amazing! Have a lovely week with your daughter.
What Lesley said about the estrogen cream!!
I was on the antibiotics for 9 months — talked my dr. out of continuing the regime (which would have brought it to a year) because the estrogen cream prescribed after the 3rd round kicked in and did the job. I should do a post on this!
No, grief/loss are not the same as depression, I agree, but they can trigger it. And yes, there's so much I want to blame on hormones #kiddingnotkidding
Agree with K.Line and your conclusion.
It's the time for oneselfs and to choose what we want to do (naturally, after things we have to do or choose to have to do,because life is usually not a fairy tale)
Dottoressa
And if it were a fairy tale, we'd still be waiting for Prince Charming to wake us with his kiss. . . 😉
You chime with my own thoughts at present. Currently in a bit of a down-turn (and I too am off to have a dental crown today…goodbye cash) I was taking my daily hour's walk yesterday and reminded myself that, no matter what, I am not working full-time as a teacher any longer. True, like you I have considered that I could perhaps have requested part-time or job share, could have considered re-jigging my role, but overall it was the right thing to do at the right time. I cannot imagine how my life would be if I was still working and still feeling the pressures and expectations that made me so unhappy and tired all the time. I am glad I made that choice. Sorting out health issues and realising where they came from – preach. It's all a work in progress, isn't it? Enjoy the sunsets.
Hope the crown was installed without too much discomfort, other than the wallop to your wallet.
As K says above, it is very satisfying to feel we've made the right choice (and that we had it at all, very lucky)
Happy to hear that you have reached a level of contentment with retirement, especially considering all the other life events that occurred simultaneously for you around that event. I have one sure sign that retirement–just over a year ago–was right for me as my blood pressure now hovers around 110/70. Never taken any meds for BP, but it ran considerably higher during the stressful work years. Nor, in my late 60s, can I imagine still driving the daily 100 mile RT commute into WDC. Most mornings I sit at my (home) desk with a hot cup of tea giving thanks that I can spend my days as I prefer. Like you and Anne, I find myself very content to follow the "mix of creative and educational pursuits and social, family, and fitness activities". Though I do need to ramp up the fitness part of that equation.
I can't imagine doing that drive daily. I used to do a RT 220kilometres twice weekly, and that was only for a few years of grad school.
The improved blood pressure reading is a very convincing sign of a decision well made. I suspect you'll work out a fitness plan that works for you as you continue to feel your way into retirement. There's considerable catch-up that goes on in that first year, in my experience at least.
Looks like you have mastered the retirement game! For me, taking things in stride is key. City vs. rural living vs. oceanfront? I'm still navigating this. A friend is about to get a new building city view (instead of park) and she has decided to sell. Grown children living abroad or out-of-state makes getting together key. The ideal is having everyone near-by but I can also delight when success/happiness is found further afield. Susan
I don't know that I've mastered it, but there's something about yielding as gracefully as possible to reality. As in your last sentence — Recognising that circumstances might fall short of our ideal but nonetheless finding delight where it is.
So true, accepting our new reality with grace. That’s the road to contentment. I would not trade my life…
Ali
Which is fortunate, right, since the magic wands have all been distributed elsewhere 😉
I see that other readers have connected BP with work. I have been keeping a record of mine and, indeed on the days that I teach (part time) my BP is quite high. Thankfully, I have one more marking period to go before I say "So long," to a 40 year career. I keep writing lists about about things I want to do when my time is truly my own. Beyond cleaning out the basement of all the stuff I "could use someday" the list is short. I'm not worried, though. I've been practicing during school vacations and so far, I've been able to keep pretty busy. My house is less cluttered than it's ever been! Regarding supplements & health, my doctor recommended vitamin D for me as well-I live near the Canadian border. I also have been using black elderberry dissolving tablets since going back to school…I'm reluctant to admit my positive results because I don't want to tempt the fates! Carol in VT
Elderberry is amazing. That plus "fire cider" has kept me healthy this winter (and if it's "just" a placebo effect, I'll take it).
A friend who is a voice teacher/choral conductor and is in her early 50s noted the correlation between BP and work-related stress a good 10 years ago. It led her to change jobs. She's still in the same field, but she has much more control over her life.
I don't/haven't had BP problems, but many of us do seem to find a correlation between stress symptoms and work. So tough when there seem to be no options but to continue — I feel very fortunate I had a choice.
I agree with you about "just" a placebo effect — sign me up 😉
Absolutely a link between mental and physical health – no surprising to have those health issues given what you were negotiating emotionally. I had a bad 2 years of constant ill health – flu, colds, violent and prolonged gastric upsets, when I was in a job I hated. When I left – immediate upward climb of health. Last cold was 5 years ago – hope I'm not tempting fate to admit that…
I'm glad you're off the antibiotics – they are far too widely used today. My daughter was on them for several years in her teens because of bad acne. We strongly suspect that they are the cause of her dairy intolerance and IBS which came on towards the end of the treatment. They are only available on prescription here for a specific ailment, and doctors are prescribing them less and less because of antibiotic resistance. But daughter was shocked at university when her American fellow students arrived with a big supply 'just in case' they needed to take them. Problem is that antibiotics should be prescribed very specifically and random self-prescribed use does more harm in the long term.
As for retirement – well I suppose I had 3 months of it and then studied for a year and then took up a new career, so I'm not there yet! Just about to take another big step work-wise. I feel energetic (a lot of the time but not all) and around 35 mentally as long as I don't remember I'll be 60 this year, so I'm banishing the '60 thought" from my head. Daily cod liver oil capsules (because very healthy Norwegian friends take them and I thought why not?)
Have only used filo (as we spell it here) pastry a couple of times to make a chard and ricotta tart. It's not a pastry I reach for, as I find it a bit fussy and not delivering much in terms of taste or texture. But it certainly looks very elegant and chef-y (before it shatters when you cut into it!).
Linda-in-Scotland
My antibiotics were necessary and were carefully managed by my physician — UTI's can cause serious kidney damage if left unchecked. The "bug" that was causing me problems needed a particular antibiotic and my GP did the necessary lab cultures to figure that out. Absolutely abhorred being on it because yes, it disrupts the entire system for some time afterward, but also grateful to live at a time when they were readily accessible (and to live in a country where they were laughably affordable).
Aren't you lucky to have found a new career you love and to have the energy for it?! (Personally, I found the "60 thought" a hard reality to banish — the arithmetic is so indisputable and undeniably effected a shift that's almost at a cellular level for me).
Ah, cod liver oil, the bane of my childhood — so glad they've popped them sensibly into capsules since.
Frances, I'm in no way suggesting your antibiotics weren't medically necessary – and they are the greatest boon and should be used as carefully as your GP obviously does. My son had the beginnings of 'tracking' from a cut on his foot, and the lovely antibiotics stopped right there what was en route to being sepsis. And very proud that antibiotics were discovered by a Scot! Worldwide sadly their use is not as tightly controlled as in Canada and the UK, and that risks their effectiveness for all of us.
We're on the same page here, absolutely. I know that we risk losing the effectiveness of antibiotics because of overuse. As with so many issues, education is key here, and these days it becomes so fashionable to scorn expert knowledge. Whoops, I feel a rant coming on 😉
Monsieur has been plagued by bronchial and sinus infections for 7 months. I realize that I am not that sympathetic. With his mood disorder, he is often depressed. I'm thankful for the option of working a few days here and there. Mum just had a pacemaker installed and signs of deterioration are evident. I've always had a young mum (20 years older than me) so it is a reminder of my own ageing. My youngest brother has been diagnosed with Parkinson's.The scaffolding appeared outside our window this week. We'll be draped soon. We will lose our enclosed sunroom, dog area and privacy in the coming months. All of our patio furniture and plants need to be stored. There are just some years that are challenging.
Physical exercise and opportunities to travel seem to be remedies at this age. We are very fortunate to have free medical care and affordable (mostly) drugs.
Oh No! You have my complete sympathy about that scaffolding — the loss of space, but especially the loss of privacy. And having husband, mother, and brother, all with compromised or deteriorating health — too much! I hope you're able to get some time away to recharge.
It is really too bad that the work/employment environment isn't more flexible–for young parents (both moms and dads) because those early years are so precious and go by so fast; for later in careers, when one no longer has the desire to work 14-hour days but doesn't want to stop completely either. Both people and employers are missing out.
I was talking with a former colleague, who noted the sadness in my voice when I reminisced about work. He said, "Think of it as a candle. It's over. It's time for you to blow it out." Wow. He was right, of course.
BTW, I don't know whether it's my computer or blogspot but I cannot leave comments on blogs unless I use Chrome, which I hate. ARGH. There should be an international law requiring interoperability.
There are so many good reasons for more flexible employment — we seemed to be moving in that direction for a few decades, but with the growth of the "precariat," and erosion of the middle class — and some entrenchment in response to fear of those two phenomena — part-time work is there, but not as a positive option, with security and benefits. . .
I'm sure it's Blogger (blogspot) that causes these problems — it's a Google product. I, too, wish the giant tech forces were not so proprietorial as to continually inconvenience their customers.
Yay for the recovered energy and the insight! I’ve been battling sinusitis for nearly two months and things are starting to improve and I am off antibiotics and steroids. Always amazed at the physical/mental/emotional connections.
I’ve had a pretty major realization about who I am in retirement and how it aligns with who I always thought I wanted to be (positive). Mostly that means letting go of old ways of thinking that suited who and where I was as opposed to who and where I am. I think we sometimes forget that as we move into realizing dreams, and accepting changes in life, we too change in unanticipated ways
Ugh to the sinusitis! I hope that continues to improve.
So many changes at this stage of life, right? And they can be very good for us in ways we couldn't have anticipated.
Well, my most recent eye-opening moment was just a few minutes ago: I'd been scratching my head over the frances_sprout in my Instagram feed – she's in Vancouver – is she a friend of Sherryl's? (my husband's cousin hosts North by Northwest on the CBC) – or did I add her to my feed when I was looking at yarn/Vancouver/life-over-50…? I hadn't looked at the blog in a couple of weeks due to life/travel, but I saw the watercolour book cover and the penny dropped. Duh.
Yes, it's me! Hello Carol, and glad to have you commenting here and following my IG feed. 😉