I still don’t have any words that can pass the filters I impose on myself for this blog. There were emotional bumps in the weekend sisters’ road trip, although watching my 21-year old nephew compete in the Seattle International Comedy Festival (one of 32 competitors chosen from over 500 applicants!) was wonderful. Of course, my personal bruising pales in the context of Friday’s tragic events in a city I love and have visited often. Those events, in turn, are only part of an only too evident stream of tragedies, and they will inevitably and sadly be followed by retaliatory actions that will surely be ineffectual.
So Paul has joined me in the city, and we’re spending the day with grandkids. It’s tempting to write sentences here about children and hope and humanity and love, but they too quickly descend into the banal and sentimental and the facile. Words only seem to reveal my privilege and naïveté; I don’t trust myself with them this morning.
Ditto the photographs of Paris I thought of closing this post with. I know I’ll “come around,”* because that’s what our systems seem programmed to do, but for now, I think I’ll be in a metaphorical Child’s Pose, just accepting the woundedness. Easy enough, really, when the wounds are as metaphorical as the pose….
So regular programming will return, and probably within a day or two. For today, I’ll be cuddling a little one. Hugs to you all….
*Do you know Steve Earle’s song, “I think I’m Comin’ Around.” I heard it first through the version he recorded with Emmy Lou Harris, but he and his ex-wife Alison Moorer have also performed it movingly, and I was lucky enough to see them sing it in concert a few years ago. Hope in the midst of sorrow, very real, human, a haunting resignation with a recognition that one will re-enter …
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I feel much the same Frances, albeit with a much less strong connection to Paris than you. I tried and failed to say something intelligent in reply to Lisa's thoughtful blog on Saturday. Then I went and wrote a blog about vintage fashion and thought about not publishing it. Then reread an article I had included a link to about the "Fashion on the Ration" exhibit in London last spring which describes the importance of fashion to women during WWII and thought…what the heck… and pressed publish…. feeling a bit shallow all the while. Ah well… as Popeye said, "I y'am what I'yam" or something similar. See what I mean… nothing sensible to say. Hope your feeling more cheery later in the week.
I enjoyed that post, Sue, and I don't think we should or can stop caring about all the other things in our lives. We need to focus on the good and the beautiful to maintain resilience, commitment to kindness, etc. I just found my emotional energy at too low an ebb to speak any important truths, however small or supposedly superficial–just a coincidence between the personal and the global hits.
Meant to add that I loved K-line's blog post…"When the world's gone crazy you may as well knit"… hopefully I quoted that correctly.
Thanks Sue! And Frances – I know that out of sorts feeling of which you speak though, as Sue suggests, I don't have that Paris connection. Still, it's an iconic city and every city, iconic or no, deserves peace and safety. On a more happy note – your nephew's doing fantastically with his comedy and you know they say that laughter is the way through everything. Maybe watch a funny movie? I should take that advice while I knit 🙂
Humour does help, but nothing beats hugging little kids. I'm also indulging in #fictiontherapy. But we've had rainstorm after windstorm after rainstorm here with nothing in sight but more of the same. Doesn't help…😉
The array of responses to the latest attacks run the gamut, but respond we must, each in our way.
Yes, exactly. It's so individual.
I'm so glad for your nephew and sad for your emotional bumps <3
Thank God for little ones (and bigger ones,too)
Dottoressa
Aw thanks. D!
The Paris events are overwhelming…
I have seen images of Parisians gathered together with signs saying "We are Not Afraid." They have been standing in long lines waiting hours to donate blood for those who have been injured…many are going about their daily routines. It must take great courage to press on…
Having a little one around is a great tonic to these devastating world events.
Enjoy those cuddles.
Yes, if only we could make sure all the little ones could be cuddled, in warmth and security…
I think your reaction is very real and strong and useful to those of us reading.
Sorry you had sister-trip bruising:(
Yes, well…new rules of engagement in process… We learn….
Hugs back to you Frances. Sorry you've had such a tough and emotional few days. I m sure cuddles from your grandchildren will help to soothe things.
Take care …
Rosie
They did help, Rosie, they always do. Thank you!
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I don't know what to say, and it seems this, admitting to the confusion and the pain and the roller coaster of the personal versus the shock and sadness of the greater world, is very profound. Sometimes I think we are too willing to come around, make a show of our shock and then retreat back into the safety of our complacent lives. Oops. Your blog. Maybe I'll need to say something after all, when the words settle.
Thanks for thinking about this with me, and I'll look forward to your post. I do think that we need to be pretty conscious of the personal filters we see and feel the world through. . . "a show of our shock" and "complacent" — these terms resonate for me. I've heard and read too much patting things back into place. . .