Even though I’m home at my regular computer and have a relatively light schedule today, I’m going to stick to my commitment to at least one “Short and Sweet” post per week as a way of maintaining my blogging energy. Using the BlogGo app on my iPhone is a good way to make that happen–the combo isn’t comfortable for an extended post, but lets me show you a photo or two and say a few words.
So first, a photo. My new haircut/style, as I wore it to an absolutely magical island wedding by the sea on Tuesday.
I’m mesmerized (and, okay, occasionally horrified) by how it brings out my mother’s face and/but highlights the rich pattern of wrinkles around my eyes. I’m not so keen on what’s happening around mouth and chin, frankly, but I honestly love what I’ve got going on at the soul centre of the face.
I’m going to work on loving the mouth-chin (that good old naso-labial fold), but that’s not as easy. Perhaps that’s why I intuitively went to a big (distracting!) earring. Haven’t worn these for years.
The whole outfit — can you call it an outfit if you simply pull on a dress (bought in San Sebastián, Spain and worn for my son’s beach wedding 3 summers ago), slide on a pair of nude Vince pointed-toe d’Orsay flats, keeping the orange double-tour Hermes watch, gold Wendy B fleur-de-lys necklace andthin gold bracelet (First Nations-carved) I was already wearing, that I wear almost every day?
Casual, yes, but the dress’s luxe fabric (linen and silk) beautiful construction, and rich colours felt celebratory and the flats did a good job of walking the kilometre of dirt road to the festivities. And the simple accessories please me more each day. In fact, if this weren’t a Short and Sweet post, I’d speculate a bit here about whether my range of accessories will continue to narrow at this stage/age. I’m already shaping a For and an Against argument…
But Short and Sweet it must be, so I’m almost done.
I did want to say, just before I close, that I’ve been riding some waves of sadness* lately. They’re periodic, they don’t usually last more than a day, and they’re manageable with Pater’s support. Yesterday the wave was bigger than they’ve been, and some of my self-talk gets a bit mean. Somehow I made myself get to a yoga class, and that got me up enough that I said “yes” instead of “no” to a friend’s phone call. Visiting her, talking about real stuff over a glass of wine, helped me ride the wave to shore and I’m feeling much happier this morning. But I want to stay honest here, without feeling any need or obligation to tell you all. Nor am I writing as a plea for sympathy or advice. I just think it’s important that a blog that purports to represent a woman’s life sometimes shows that the woman struggles. Yes, there are so many far tougher struggles, but there was mine, too, yesterday…
And that is all. Short. Sweet?
Comments always welcome, as you know
(I’ve written about this sadness before Here and Here and Here. I hope that’s spread out enough that it doesn’t become too tiresome — although that tendency to self-censure myself as “tiresome” is something I really need to stop doing! It’s part of the problem. . . )
Thanks for keeping it real. Your honesty touches me. I believe that we all have our day to day struggles. Hopefully, we employ the coping skills we've learned along the way to try to ride these periodic waves. By the way, you look lovely!
Thank you, BG! It does help to have developed some coping skills and some self-knowledge so that the waves don't pull us down. . .
Beautiful outfit for a wedding – yes, throwing on a dress counts. Heh. And the great thing about short hair is we get to show off our earrings. I keep forgetting to put any on though. Your title made me laugh!
So you may be sad, but your humour still shines bright. Humour saves me. Your sharing of the whole spectrum of life is the golden orb of your blog.
Melanie, to have my humour recognized by you is an honour, given the hilarity that happens at your place — thanks!
I really like your new hair style…I think it suits you.
Life is full of ups and downs…ebbs and flows and it affects us…you are a passionate and caring soul mater, so it's no surprise that you feel these events deeply.
I enjoy your sharing what you wear…it's fun to see that we "women of a certain age" care enough to make the effort to dress up.
Ups and downs, ebbs and flows, absolutely, Hostess. Just can't be avoided, especially at this age — your recent post testifies to that. Thank you!
Your new short do suits you well. It lets your beautiful eyes take center stage. I loved this dress when you first showed it.
Sadness does ebb and flow, and like the tides, sometimes it's stronger than others.
Thanks, Lorrie, for the kind compliments and the equally kind understanding.
I love the way your new hairstyle allows your eyes to shine and sparkle, just as I love this post, and the way you share your joys, and a beautiful dress, without hiding the fact that there are also sorrows. Your willingness to share the richness and complexity that is life is something I treasure.
It is rich and complex, this life, and it's good to have this community to share its ups and downs with. You've been very generous in sharing your own joys and sadnesses over the past few years, and I so appreciate that.
My children called the nasolabial folds 'monkey lines'! Isn't that cheering?
The cut and colour (or lack thereof) are flattering, and a change is fun isn't it?
Take care…
Love that! Monkey lines! Cheeky but cheering indeed!
You look lovely in your wedding outfit ,dressed for occasion not just for taking pictures but to enjoy,fresh with your new hairstyle. What (or which or whose?) wrinkles are we talking about?
Hope you had a good time
Now and then,we all see our mothers ( I once saw even my grandmother! ) in the mirror,it's not so bad,just blink!
I really don't care about my wrinkles ( I'm shortsighted) but the chin line,blink,blink,don't look….
And I also have monkey lines ( you have funny kids ,Georgia :-))
That was sweet part
Most of us have good and bad days,I do . For me it helps to get out,make myself to work something,the harder the better,maybe meet nice people I like for a coffee,better outside the house,it demands more effort! To read happy and positive things,sing in car with radio on. Sometimes I stay home and treat myself with things I like ( first choice is better!) and let it be,but this one can be tricky
And I try never to analize things when I'm sad,there are better days for doing it,and than make strategies
Thinking about all good and nice and beautiful and precious you had,have and will have in your life,there are so many things
Dottoressa
It does help to be active, sometimes, when I'm sad. There are also days when it's nearly impossible (honestly, I've been using the term "sad" but the reality is that I occasionally verge on depression, sometimes barely manages to pull the foot out of its quicksand). You're right, it's not a good time to analyse. The reality is, though, that there's some weird biochemical, neurological stuff that kicks in and sometimes the analysing inner chatter doesn't shut up. . . . So many good things, though, you're right. Thanks, Dottoressa
I know…
Take care
Dottoressa
I agree about not analysing the sad because sometimes it is just a dash too much of hormones and it passes…I also agree about saying yes to the simplest of pleasures. They pay back. And the earrings! The joy of short hair! Perhaps your sadness was a reaction to the happiness of the wedding (just occurred to me) because they have a way of making one reflective and think about the passage of time. I am now going to have a picnic at Fountains Abbey and if it rains, I shall sit in the car and eat my delicious sandwiches. Result.
I love the good solid dashes of common sense showing up in the thread. Being a very practical sort myself much of the time, I always wish this was more accessible in the deepest darkest patches of feeling low. Luckily, I do have a few strategies packed away and a husband who generally knows what might work — music is very good!
I think our 'monkey lines' are a sign of a happy life with lots of smiling & laughing , so perhaps we are the lucky ones ? When I am feeling down I take my dogs out for a walk or give them a cuddle , perhaps time you thought of another dog ? Family could step in for holiday times maybe .Dogs live for the moment , no regrets for the past ( even my badly treated ex rescue dogs ) & they don't think further ahead than the next meal – I'm trying to be more like them
Wendy in York
Ah, yes, a dog would be lovely. Not going to happen for a few years, at least, but the right dog can be a wonderful mood-lifter.
Sadness is part of life and I agree about the waves washing over from time to time. I too have just been going through something tough with my feelings about one of my children, but it is passing with help from my closest friend and my husband. It will wash over me again – I can never completely adjust to stepping aside with the boys instead of being at the centre of my family!
Glad you enjoyed the wedding and well, wrinkles… I have a copy of Eva Fraser's facial exercises and trying to hold back the chin but the eyes have had it.
Have a good weekend x
I can relate to the particular sorrow you are honest enough to admit, Marianne. It's tough to accept such a big change to our role, although with mine spread through the 4th decade (!!), and all parents now, the stepping back has yielded surprising joy.
Good luck with the facial exercises! And I hope your weekend is lovely as well!
I'm back after reading more comments and thinking about how sadness is a part of life, and if we don't let it wash over us from time to time we lose the capacity for joy. I wanted to ask if you have seen the movie "Inside Out". It is not just a movie for children, and is remarkably well done. But the point of the story is that if we suppress or lose sadness, we lose joy, and with that we lose everything.
It's on my list, Mardel. I'd love it to be one of the airplane offerings next month! I've heard good things about it from exactly the perspective you offer. I so agree with you. Sadness can be brushed firmly aside for only so long. . . it will out! damn it!
The sweet honesty, the wonderful haircut, the artsy earrings for proportion, the gorgeous dress and simple shoes, just lovely, all of it, in many ways. <3
Aw, thank you Lisa. <3 right back at you!
Nice post..we all feel sad and depressed at times I suspect..it's great to see your cheery haircut..so full of style and verve!! All the little accents you mentioned add up for a wonderful image…you look beautiful..I sympathize as I hate how I'm getting wrinkles on my upper lip..also,, I take my Mom out every week for lunch and feel chagrinned when strangers remark much we look alike.. she is 86..me 65..but I try to take it as a compliment as she is very dear to me.. All this to say your posts resonate and are fun too:) Coco
Thanks, Coco! I have to say I'd love to still have my Mom alive and have strangers remarking we look alike — we never quite got to that point as her illness aged her prematurely and she was only 82 when she died. So I think you're very wise to take those comments as compliments, even though we're pushed to think that looking younger is better.
Love the hair, dress and honesty. The sadness, is that part of all of us really do you think? Our little worlds of muddle and musings. And then the joy. That's what I hold onto as often as I can. Which is why I pop over to your blog for those moments and practicality.
I think that if we are aware of the world, if we think much at all, sadness has to be inevitable. Joy also. I've seen you wrestle the one, share the other, over on your blog, and it's much appreciated so thanks for returning the favour.
None of us make significant transitions into a new phase without the sadness that comes from letting go of the old. Can't move forward without some grief.
Very true, Gail! And we can't move backward. . . 😉
Your hair sets off your face beautifully and I really like your San Sebastian dress. I just spent 3 days at Sproat Lake with women friends. We talked and talked and talked. Sadness, challenges and disappointment are part of all of our lives. Sometimes I feel reluctant to write about it but then I feel that if we acknowledge it, sadness becomes just a part of life, not a character defect.
That sounds like a marvelous three days — I haven't done anything like that for far, far too long. I think you're right, that giving the darker emotions some air and light — talking and writing about them — lets us have a different perspective of them. Sadness is NOT a character defect!
This the first time I've read your blog as a link from Privilege. I just realized that we tend to focus on one part of our selves, eyes, nose, chin, hips etc. When I looked at your picture I didn't notice your mouthchin area but all of you at once and you looked very harmonious. I find most people don't. Maybe because they don't see the big picture.
Thanks for commenting, Sharon! It's interesting, what you say. I wonder if that's true for most of us and I wonder whether the parts we might be drawn to change. I was really struck by how much I like the wrinkles radiating from my eyes, but I'm also blown away by the experience of seeing my mom's mouth. In a way, that's also a "big picture," although it's not one that integrates my whole face as one, but a big picture that pulls in so many moments from my life. . .
Ride the wave (and keep looking gorgeous) – they'll bring you into your new port in time. It's the getting there that is most frustrating. Keep bobbing up
Honestly, I think I'm more a paddle-boarder than a surfer. . . 😉 That Stevie Smith was onto something, though, with her "Not Waving but Drowning." Luckily, I'm pretty good at treading water and, yes, I "keep bobbing up." All done for now, thank goodness!
When I look at you picture, I notice your pretty eyes and friendly smile. I think Sharon is right – we focus on our own tiny wrinkles, but just notice the big picture on others.
I'm sorry you have been sad – I appreciate your honesty. With me it's more bouts of anxiety, but it's comforting to know that others have their difficult days too.
Thanks, Murphy. It is, somehow, comforting to know we're not the only ones who have tough days. I do anxiety as well, generally in the early hours — damn menopause! 😉
Love your new hairdo; your face comes to the fore, and it is lovely! Your eyes really become the focus! It's funny, we love to look for family features in a new baby, but not so much in ourselves! I personally do not find nasolabial fold lines unattractive at all – they show up more when we have good cheekbones! Joan Rivers did not like hers, and she had all the fat sucked out of her face – look at the result – ugh!
Your comments on depression with life changes certainly resonate, I think esp with people our age. I go out in the sun and enjoy the landscape, or cuddle the pups! I so agree with trying not to analyze things at that time. Or go shopping (yeah!) Hope the weekend and wedding was great for you!
Thanks Cherie. The hair really does change my perception of my face — I'm getting used to, even enjoying the change.
One of the good things about our age is that we have some experience with what works to push depression (or anxiety, for that matter) out of the way. I have a few strategies similar to yours — for me, it's generally most effective to get outside for a walk or a run, although sometimes that feels impossible in the moment. But once I take some steps, some biochemical change for the better seems to get set in motion.
And yes, the wedding was wonderful and the weekend pleasant. Happy Monday!