For a number of reasons, I’ve been plagued by insomnia lately. I’m hoping this might abate once I’ve presented my conference paper on Saturday, although I suspect that my anxiety will simply switch to the wedding we’re hosting at the end of August. . . .
Miserable as it is to calculate, each morning, that one will be facing the day on, let’s see, 4 hours from 11 ’til 3, and then that hour and a half managed from 5 ’til 6:30, for a grand total of 5 1/2 hours, there is the small compensation of being up for the first intimations of sunrise.
The morning’s earliest whisperings, the world’s pastel stirring . . .
I creep barefoot with my camera out the not-quite-French doors, across the deck, down the stairs to the beach, trying to avoid thorns from Paul’s rose-pruning enthusiasms, scattered over the concrete patio on the way.
And then click, and click, and tiny quiet camera click again, all those shutter opening and closing sounds mixing with the day’s first birdsong. It’s still quiet enough to hear the air displacement of wings working overhead, each greeting of rock and wave registers splashily in dawn’s tranquility.
I’m sitting in early-morning city right now, our condo window just above a busy street whose traffic sounds change with the clock–I can almost tell time from the rhythm and intensity of the wheels and motors. Several days away from my early mornings enveloped in the beach’s peaceful solitude, I still feel its reverbations, its reflection as captured above, mirrored in my front door window.
And I’m sharing its quiet and soothing strength. Happy Summer Day!
p.s. I’m curious: Do you struggle with insomnia as well? how do you deal with it?
Hi Mater – I do sympathize with you, but, no, I generally don't have any problems getting to sleep. At least you have the compensation of those beautiful views early in the morning! I hope your conference goes well. P.
Lucky you! Although I can generally get to sleep all right — it's the getting back to sleep when I wake in the early morning. . . . But yes, there is the compensation of having dawn to myself. . . . thanks for the encouragement re the conference
I have been waking far too early since Mother took ill.
I am much more anxious and stressed than usual and am having trouble turning off the worry…
I think you've got a lot on your mind and that is why you are having difficulty sleeping.
If I had time I'd opt for a spa massage…
perhaps you can find the time to indulge in one as it may help.
It's tough, isn't it, that worrying cycle that leads to sleeplessness and then the fatigue lets you stress more easily.
The massage is a great suggestion — I got one from my daughter today (she's an RMT!)
The pictures – how very beautiful. I do occasionally have insomnia, almost always worry-related, and the only thing that works for me is to consider the words "empty mind" and imagine a watercolor I once made of this image – it's not very impressive (done in black and grey, it evokes a 1950s TV set with very poor reception) but it does the job. Perhaps you could sketch something that would help you cope?
What a beautiful idea, Marsha. Interesting that the image and words you've combined evoke a watercolour which probably has sensory memories built in as well . . .
When I first started teaching I would get insomnia every Sunday night, and worse for two to three nights before the end of any lengthy school holiday. Nothing really resolved it, I just got more comfortable at my job and now only have insomnia once every six months or so. It's generally anxiety related. My solution is to just stay up and read or knit. Much more enjoyable that fussing about in bed.
welcome, new commenter! I just checked the most recent post on your blog and I can see why you might not be sleeping — lots going on! I agree with you that it's generally better to get up and do something, although I do find that patterns can set in around that as well. Also agree that teaching can be stressful, more than many people realize.
When I have a lot on my mind I don't sleep well. Those hours from 2-3 or 4 are agonizingly long. I pray, or recite poetry, or count my breathing. Or I get up and write in my journal. When I awaken early and know I won't get back to sleep, I do as you do, get up and welcome the dawn. And then I take a short cat nap in the late morning or early afternoon.
Those are the hours that get me as well. Like you, I'm a fan of the afternoon nap if that's what it takes to get through the day after a bad night.
I could have written this – but not as well as you did 🙂
In the winter I am intimately familiar with 03:19. I have not idea why. Does the clock tick louder at that time? I've no idea. In the summer I wake at 0500. Sometimes I can drift back to sleep. Most often I can't. I rise and read or write or tidy. This insomnia came with menopause – a terrible by-product. Once in a while I'll sleep until 0600 and be pathetically happy about it.
How interesting! I've sometimes noticed a recurrence of a certain time and wondered what neighbourhood stirring might be alerting me, but never for so long that I could count on it as a regular winter phenomenon.
And yes, I associate my insomnia with menopause — and I, too, get "pathetically happy" if I "sleep in" — sometimes until 6:50!!
I most definitely struggle with insomnia and I've had it since 2004. Lately, I'm finding that a bedtime dose of magnesium helps some…but I do not have such beautiful sunsets to anticipate.
Interesting about the magnesium. I'll admit that it's often what I shouldn't take rather than what I should . . . that second glass of wine, for example, is often what wakes me in the wee hours. . .